Over a stormy sky

Something had to give.....

but I was wrong. It isn't the relationship, but my fitness. Somehow it finds itself at the bottom of the pecking order. The first to be sacrificed. Happiness leads to celebratory feasting. Sadness leads to indulgence in comfort food. Tiredness leads to eating to refuel. I don't know where to fit in an exercise session that I would not rather replace with some other 'more important' thing, like squeezing in some lab work.
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My bills are not getting paid on time. I've been carrying it with me for a week, but I don't feel the push to get to an AXS machine to pay. Ditto for a cheque I'm supposed to cash in. I don't know why I abhor inconvenience so much that I'd rather avoid taking action. My mum found my uncashed cheque where i kept it and offered to put it in the cheque drop for me. I railed at her for going through my stuff and snooping at my financial affairs.

Under normal circumstances I'd have loved the help; but not from my parents. A lifetime of emotional abuse has taught me to fear their help. Taking action was to invite criticism. Asking for help was to be made to feel stupid and useless. Being unable to help was to be accused of being lazy and selfish. I regret that the only way to protect myself is to impose an information and communication blackout.

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Idea #4: "Sometimes, things have to be turned upside-down before they can turn right-side up again"

posted by Tempest Blue @ 10:24 PM