Over a stormy sky

2010-01-19T01:43:00.003+08:00

I do not know why I get myself so worked up whenever I quarrel with my family. Long after the snipe and back-talk has passed, the anger and resentment remains for the rest of the evening, simmering, coagulating into a sickening, tarry knot in my heart, draining away whatever sense of serenity I hoped to have from the end of the day. I'd wanted to work on my thesis today, but how could I when I'm in a seething, repressed rage?

The sense of injustice and powerlessness is overwhelming. I get complained at, scolded like a kid, and bullied into submission without the right to defend myself. My wishes, my rights.... all disregarded. Steamrolled over. I do not know what to do. Talking reasonably is useless. My wishes don't count for anything if it goes against their whims. Arguing and shouting back merely evens the score on mutual hurt, but only until they try again next time. Oft I flirt with the thought of what I could do to wake them up and take what I say seriously. I could jump out of the window and my last words to them would be 'Fuck you!'. But I have too much to live for to do that. . Or I could take my stick and wreak massive destruction on the glass dining table.

Idle fantasies, of course. I could never do that. But the thought of snapping and going on a rampage is tempting. In the meanwhile, I seek still a less violent alternative to table smashing that can yet convey the gravity of the situation to them. I thought we'd agreed on a peace treaty when I sat down with dad to have a serious talk on the situation. But apparently mum wasn't clued in on the terms of the ceasefire. I really do think its hopeless and nothing will change until something drastic happens. Not fooling myself anymore that it will get better. I'm just gonna put on an act until I can get out.

At least my plans to move out are seeing the light after 6 years of wishing. Even then, I'm not that naive to think that the distance will be enough. But at least I can distance myself and securely lock the door and gate behind me. At last I will be able to come back to a home where I can let down my guard, and not have to worry about them storming up, kicking the door open where I am, and start to rant and rave at me. It's a race against time to get out before I break down in a violent manner.

That's that. I'm off to try a little meditation before bed. I'm in dire need of inner peace.

I'll try anyway...

2009-10-06T12:59:00.003+08:00

"I hate you!!! You messed up my career!"

"I love you!"

"Stop bugging me, you're so irritating!"

"You light up life"

"Just leave me alone!"

"You're a great friend"

"You never have anything good to say"

"You cheapskate!"

"Why me????"

"You're a great role model"

"There's no more love here... only duty"

"Why are you so sensitive?"

"Why are you so insensitive?"

"I need more from you."

"I need approval, and respect"

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nobody loves me like they mean it."

"We're all being screwed over and our opinions don't mean a damn thing"

"Show, not tell!"

"Is it my fate to forever be a late achiever?"

"You were my rock"

"Life sucks"

"I want more money!"

"I want more time!"

"I want more brains"

Wordless

2009-10-06T01:05:00.003+08:00

I feel like I have so much I want to say, yet when I try, nothing comes out:

"

"

I feel like I am closing up to everyone, because there is no one I can entrust with what I want to say, no one who can understand, no one who bear the fall-out from the voicing out of these thoughts.

Life Lessons

2009-09-08T01:04:00.001+08:00

The most important life lesson I learnt from my parents:

"Do it, before they can stop you."

The fight against dustmite infestation

2009-09-04T23:05:00.002+08:00

Handheld 900W Phillips Vacuum Cleaner with dual HEPA filter

- $70

Set of Anti-dustmite bed linen:

1 x anti-dustmite bedsheet and mattress pad
2 x anti-dustmite pillow cases and pillow pads
2 x anti-dustmite bolster cases and bolster pads

-$150

1 x floor detergent

-$6
1 x box of tri-layer air con filter with carbon mesh

-$25

Fighting with my mum to make her understand this is the right way to do things, and my asthma is NOT a convenient scapegoat for everything she hates about me, like sleeping late, eating unhealthily, having less stuff in my room; Fighting with my mum over the use of the washing machine for my bedding; Fighting with my mum to make her understand that coloured bedding runs when first washed and necessitates a seperate machine run and no I couldn't help choosing stuff that runs unless everything I buy is white (it's Friven for fucking goodness sake, if that's not good enough I dont' know what is);

- Every ounce of my patience and self control.

***

I can't wait to get out of this house and them out of my life.

Reading, and Little Voices

2009-09-03T16:54:00.003+08:00

I just realised I don't really read anymore. It's been ages since I've read a novel, and I haven't even been keeping up on buying the latest books I've been waiting for. Usually I'd grab them the moment they appeared on the shelves in hardcover, but now I have no problems waiting an extra year for the mass market paperbacks to come out. Partially, I blame George R R Martin for dragging his feet an unprecedented 4 years for his 'A Dance with Dragons'. This one, on top of anything else by a mile, is what I really want to get my hands on, and all that waiting has dulled my interest following fantasy epics in general. Sharing the blame would be Robert Jordan, who strung me along for 15 years with his 'Wheel of Time' series and then died before he finished the final book.

I also realised that I don't really read the papers anymore. Not fully, anyway. I just end up scanning the articles for keywords and facts, just enough to understand what the point of the article was. No more reading full sentences and deliberating over sentence structure and nuances of phrasing, or appreciating the descriptions of abstract concepts with metaphor and imagery.

Why? I used to love language. When did I get reduced to just becoming a numbers and factoid cruncher? I think it boils down to a systemic degeneration of the quality of my life due to the stress of not being able get a grip on my current work/ph.d situation. When one isn't in control of the situation, fear and guilt and a dose of irrationality mess with the head: On one hand I indulge in bouts of escapism in some areas, on the other I withold deriving pleasure in other areas, as if by spending less time in some 'leisurely' pursuits would correlate with more time spent on what I -should- be doing. Thus, less time reading, playing sports and games, exercising...

A lot of ideas get scrapped in my head simply because I can't justify spending that time when I have so many other things I -should- be doing. It's like the little voice is telling me "if you aren't taking the time to write your reports and read your journal papers and planning your expts, then you can't take the time to enjoy yourself either!"

***

In other news, I'm sick, my asthma and allergies are as bad as ever, and the place is a dump. I want to clean out my room(s), but really, how do you begin cleaning out a junkyard? Everything's useful, in some way, and shouldn't be thrown out. But I can't move them elsewhere cos elsewhere is taken up by other junk, which can't be moved either cos there isn't any elsewhere elsewhere to move them to. It's like a mosiac puzzle, and when I think of all the time I need to spend on cleaning up, the little voice goes "Hey, shouldn't you be spending that time on something else MORE important, like your work, or going for a jog?"

And then the other little voice goes "Screw you all! All of you Needs have equal claims to time, so to be fair, none of you are getting any, so you can't complain. I'll just spend what little I have playing Facebook!"

Something had to give.....

2009-06-24T22:24:00.003+08:00

but I was wrong. It isn't the relationship, but my fitness. Somehow it finds itself at the bottom of the pecking order. The first to be sacrificed. Happiness leads to celebratory feasting. Sadness leads to indulgence in comfort food. Tiredness leads to eating to refuel. I don't know where to fit in an exercise session that I would not rather replace with some other 'more important' thing, like squeezing in some lab work.
***

My bills are not getting paid on time. I've been carrying it with me for a week, but I don't feel the push to get to an AXS machine to pay. Ditto for a cheque I'm supposed to cash in. I don't know why I abhor inconvenience so much that I'd rather avoid taking action. My mum found my uncashed cheque where i kept it and offered to put it in the cheque drop for me. I railed at her for going through my stuff and snooping at my financial affairs.

Under normal circumstances I'd have loved the help; but not from my parents. A lifetime of emotional abuse has taught me to fear their help. Taking action was to invite criticism. Asking for help was to be made to feel stupid and useless. Being unable to help was to be accused of being lazy and selfish. I regret that the only way to protect myself is to impose an information and communication blackout.

***

Idea #4: "Sometimes, things have to be turned upside-down before they can turn right-side up again"

Mortality

2009-06-18T21:38:00.002+08:00

Today, on an unremarkable thursday morning in the middle of an unremarkable month of June, on an unremarkable road shoulder on an expressway in an insignificant part of Singapore, a motorist got into an accident and died.

As traffic slowed to a crawl and my car silently cruised past the accident site, I saw a large, silver sheet draped over something on the road. Blood was still seeping slowly out from within the cover sheet, soaking into the ground.

Somewhere, on this unremarkable thursday morning, somebody's loved ones will receive terrible news that will shatter their hearts and turn their life upside down, forever.

I'm sure everyone who passed by that morning would have had a moment's grief for the tragic loss of life. Then, life goes back to normal. The radio DJs chatter on over the airwaves, blissfully unaware. Cars pass out of the gridlock and zoom off, carrying their drivers and passengers to work, Thoughts are already turning towards the day's shuffling of papers and pushing of pencils. There are emails to send and read. Lunch locations to decide on. Colleagues to gossip with.

Still, in that short moment of sorrow, it served to remind me of the preciousness and fragility of life. Anytime, it could suddenly come to an end, cutting short all your hopes and dreams and unfufilled goals. It is the clearest warning yet that what you put off till tomorrow, either out of laziness, or fear, or procrastination, or just sheer confidence that you have time yet.... well... you may never get to tomorrow.

***

On another road-related incident, as I was driving home on the ECP this evening, I was shocked to see an old lady sitting on the white line of the expressway road shoulder, just down the end of benjamin sheares bridge towards the Changi direction. She looked dazed and confused as she stared at the oncoming traffic, shielding her eyes with one hand against what must be the blinding glare of the vehicle headlights.

Never have I been so frightened that she'd just tumble out onto the road and into my path. I gave her a wide berth by cutting out from the leftmost lane and halfway into the 2nd.

Why are there so many unfortunate souls in frightful situations today?

Curiosity

2009-06-17T23:57:00.002+08:00

I've always been a curious person. So how could I resist when, riding on the MRT on the way home this evening, this young girl in front of me started typing a long, rambling SMS on her extra-large screen handphone?

"...Enjoy your dinner, dear. Tell me one of your childhood secrets later. Somehow I fear something bad will happen to you because of the bribery. It is govt assoc. after all..."

So intriguing, on so many different levels!

The price of friendship...

2009-06-12T23:37:00.002+08:00

$100 per wedding x 2 weddings, $80 for suitable attire,30 mins of vigorous car wash, 10 hrs of auxillary support, projected 50km worth of fuel....

I love my friends dearly, but their weddings are beggaring me!

A change is gonna come

2009-06-12T19:06:00.002+08:00

A big change, and I'm worried about managing my time. Between juggling work, tuition, and relationship time, something has to give....

...and i'm worried it'll be relationship time. I'm afraid that small sacrifices will keep being made, over and over, just because it can. Bit by bit, until it becomes an empty shell, just 2 strangers with a history, but little of a shared present.

Fitness

2009-06-08T19:23:00.002+08:00

I'm absolutely unfit, that's the plain old truth.

I've fallen so far from my peak, it's heartwrenching. Just 3 years ago, I was a whisker away from IPPT gold, doing 14-15km runs regularly, doing aikido, muay thai.

Now I have problems even doing 5km. I'm a horrifying 10kg heavier, and none of my clothes fit well anymore.

Where did it go wrong? Was it when my asthma suddenly came back with a vengeance? Or when golfer's elbow struck and I could no longer do weights? Or was it the Iliotibial Band injury on my right knee which effectively halted my running regime? Or the stress of my studies and family relations? Or the love of good food, and plenty of it? It's hard to say which was the straw that broke the camel's back and started the downward spiral.

It feels harder for me to get back on track, knowing how fit I once was, and how much work I'd have to do just to get back to that level. Very demoralising. I know, I know. Step by step. Stick to a routine. Pace myself. Set realistic goals.

Challenging, especially for someone who can never enforce a habit or schedule, even for the simplest things.

I need to work around my weaknesses, like avoiding mind-numbing, solitary, time-consuming exercises such as long distance jogging or swimming. I've already started with futsal on tuesdays. At least it's fun and interactive. Time flies and before I know it, I've already had 2 hours of high-intensity interval sprinting.

Still, gyms are unavoidable, I think. For now I'll work on 20 min sessions of interval training on the treadmill. Haven't decided how yet to structure the anaerobic part of the fitness regime, But I'll want it done in 20 mins or less to avoid the dread factor from creeping in.

Meals - Fish soup, as often as I can! Is it achievable? I dunno. I mean, I like fish soup well enough, providing it's good quality fish, and I've done it before. Dunno how easy it will be to cut down on my nasi padang and western foods. I wish I could go back to cooking my own fish, broccoli and brown rice meals, but my discipline is atrocious at the moment. The thought of spending 2 evening hours cooking, eating and washing up is dreadful. Maybe my dear would be a kind soul and cook for me, since she's the main ~~nagger~~ instigator in my plan to lose weight.

Step-by-step, lets see how it goes.

Conflict

2009-06-03T10:49:00.005+08:00

My right foot is now badly bruised because of an injury sustained while playing soccer yesterday evening. I can only walk with a limp now.

Secretly though, I kinda like getting injuries (minor ones, of course). Especially the ones sustained through sports. It shows that I am pushing myself. I was fascinated when my toenails came off from playing soccer (twice). I was fascinated when I scraped my knee badly during a fall while doing a shuttle run.

I guess i'm just weird this way.

***

Our family was informed yesterday by the Condo Management Office that someone had complained that our aircon compressor was making loud noises at night and disturbing them. We checked it out, and there was indeed some kind of rattling noise when we switched on the room aircons. As a result we're going aircon-less for the week until the repairman can come take a look at it.

What I don't understand though, is why the neighbours couldn't come directly to us and let us know? We've always been friendly and approachable to our immediate neighbours. The way I see it, this is so typically Singaporean. What I notice is that many Singaporeans hate confrontation. So much so that they'd (we) rather go round the back way to get what they want. They (we) look for proxies to do the dirty work, like the police, or, in this case, the management committee. They (we) make anonymous tip-offs to the media, post anonymous rants on web forums or videos on Stomp. They(we) whine that the govt needs to legislate to prevent whatever they are unhappy with. Everything except go up to the offending individual and saying 'Hey, something is wrong. Can we resolve this?'

Buuuuut then again, maybe Singaporeans aren't really capable of civilised conflict resolution. I only need to point to the AWARE saga and the extraordinary shenanigans during the EGM. Grown women (and men), shrieking and yelling (anonymously from their seats in the back rows), interrupting attempts to speak, telling people to 'Shut up and sit down'.. and so on. It was like a scene from 'Kindergarten Kids go Wild'. if such a B-grade movie were to be made. Oh well.

***

Idea #3: What people do not understand (or appreciate), they destroy. They put down. They laugh at. They mock and criticize. And they attack you for daring to threaten their ego by showing up their lack of understanding.

Not yet ...

2009-06-01T12:49:00.004+08:00

... into the habit of blogging regularly. The stuff that I might want to blog about are usually the things best left unsaid, lest the wrong ears (or eyes)come to know about it.

The stuff that can be blogged about, usually don't need to be said. That leaves just the material that I want to blog about and -want- to be said, which is usually an exercise in image building since I know people are watching and reading. It can't be seen now, but if all written text and backspacing were to be captured and displayed here, it'd give an idea of how much self-censoring I had to do to publish even one post. Why? Because, at this point in time I do give a damn about the people around me, regardless what I think.

< ---- lots of deleted text ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

I just wish more people do give a damn about me too. Perhaps that's the problem. A vicious circle of more people treating my feelings more roughly, trying to provoke a response from me because they perceive me to be a stable rock, even as I encase myself more deeply in stone to prevent being hurt.

And then one fine day they realise a towering great wall of China has been built over the years and I'm no longer interested in crossing over to the other side. No longer interested in offering an olive branch. Or building bridges. Or establishing diplomatic relations. It's frustrating when I see the beginnings of such an end, and when i say 'Stop it! Stop it!" no one takes it seriously. They don't believe that one day I will just stop trying to make things better.

****

Oh, and I went cycling with the gf last sat. We rode from ECP Mac's to Changi Village and back. Took 3 hours, and we saw the Sundown Marathon officials setting things up.

We spent sunday playing Sims 2, seperately on different computers. Simulating the virtual lives of 2 seperate, yet identical families comprising her and myself. While the real life remained on pause mode. How ironic, eh?

****

Gonna be a brother for my old friend's wedding next next weekend. Umm... what to say about it? Ok? I'm happy for him. That's a given. I usually never refuse such requests from my friends. But honestly, I think it's my need to feel useful that's making the decision for me. That's ok. The part of me that tells me I should push myself into unfamiliar situations says that that's how I will learn and grow.

****

~~Daily~~ Idea #2: "Wallowing in self-pity is like masturbation. Sure, it feels good, but after a while you realise you're just fucking with yourself."- Unknown source.

Restart

2009-05-21T11:25:00.002+08:00

The first rule of Restart is 'Don't ask me when I will graduate'.

The second rule of Restart is 'DON'T ask me when I will graduate'.

The third rule of Restart is 'Remember the first two rules'.

************************************************************

So there. That's out of the way. Now I just have to figure out how to blog again, and what.

It seems that the older I become, the less I have to say, and the less patience I have to spend paragraphs justifying my actions as I might have done in the past. So what is a blog if not a bin to unload all my angst? Maybe it'll just be a record of all my daily activities. We'll see.

*

Later, I'll be meeting my old JC buddies for dinner at Vivocity. Champion is back in town and leaving again soon for Germany, where he works, so it's a kind of farewell again, though with the advent of the internet, email, online messenging and video conferencing programs, does anyone ever really need to say goodbye anymore? I'm constantly amazed by (and jealous of) how changed our circumstances are since those carefree post-exam Fantasy Island escapade days. Ah Beng's married with a daughter, Champion's morphed from mischieveous boy to jet-setting yuppie, and Gentleman's doing well in the technological industry. I don't really know what to say to them, we're at such different stages of life now. I'm guessing we'll fall back on the usual male bonding staples: NS, sex, hot babes, cars, stocks, sex, computer games and technology. And sex.

*

Had an interesting midnight conversation with my colleague over MSN yesterday. We talked about heavy stuff like being cruelty, free will, and what it means to be an intellectual. Coming up with a definition for 'cruelty' alone took a long time. In the end, my definition, taking a part of his as well, was:

"The un-necessary, deliberate, inflicting of physical or emotional pain (for him it was 'deprivation of value'), onto someone, within the context of the perpetrator's goals."

I argued that 'unnecessary' was important to the definition, since intent is important in establishing cruelty. IF it were 'necessary' to inflict pain (deprive value from) to someone, lets say for the sake of survival or 'The greater good', is it really 'cruelty'? But then, what if the person's goal is merely to derive enjoyment from watching the suffering of others?

That conversation is scheduled to continue later tonight....

*

That's all for now. I thought it might be interesting to end each blog post with an interesting thought or idea which has shaped my own worldview. So here it is.

**

Daily Idea #1: "It's often easier to beg forgiveness, than to ask for permission."

Catastrophe

2007-05-22T14:25:00.000+08:00

The laptop crashed last week out of the blue, rendering all of my saved data in the hard disk unrecoverable. After days of running around in panic, trying to salvage data with uncle J's help, it turns out that the hdd was totally fried. Data gone. Lucky most of my impt data was in my thumbdrive, which I immediately backed up in my desktop.

The stupid HD laptop bay is damned frustrating. To open it up, I need a phillips screwhead, a starshaped screw head, and a long-nose plier just to remove the 3 different sets of screws for the mounting. I spent more than $300 buying a set of screwdrivers, and 2 new HDD; one internal 2.5" and one external to serve as a backup drive. Problem solved? Nope. Firstly, installing the new hdd into the laptop was a mistake. I didn't have an internal CD drive, and somehow the bios didn't allow my HP laptop to boot from the USB CD drive. So cannot install. I had to strip it back out and plug the HDD into my desktop, using a 2.5" ide adapter which Uncle J kindly lent me. Tralala, Format, partition, install winxp, update, update, update.....

Thinking that now I have a bootable hdd, I plugged it out and installed it back into the laptop, and turned it on.

.... Bloody thing couldn't load. !@#@#!@#!@ It keeps hanging after the screen where you choose to either run normally or boot in safe mode.

Now for the kick in the balls: I plugged my desktop HDD back in (which I previously removed when I was installing stuff on the laptop hdd), and it won't work!!!! now, it keeps hanging after the 'Verifying DMI Pool' screen. I tried playing with the bios settings, switching IDE and power cables, master/slave configs..... nothing. Still cannot work.

So now I have an inoperable desktop and an inoperable laptop. Ironically enough, my laptop HDD now works on my desktop. Argh. Why won't it work on my laptop?? Could it be because the new 5200 rpm hdd can't be supported by my laptop motherboard? The old one was only 4200. Or could it be that when my laptop malfunctioned, the damage was to some part other than the hdd? Then why can't I read my old hdd?? And why did it show severe bad sectors during recovery?

Argh! Why is this happening to me???

2007-04-27T12:20:00.001+08:00

The more I think about it, the more I feel that life is like a game. A poker game. Sometimes you are dealt winning hands, and sometimes losing hands. It's a fallacy of all these self-help advice that suggest that ultimately, one has to take full responsibility for the cards one is given. That if one is in a bad situation, it's down to a personal flaw, or attribute of character. Trying to convince oneself otherwise sometimes just can't work, as it involves redefining the goals of the game. In soccer analogy, that's probably called 'shifting the goal posts'. If I can't win at a game of tennis, or badminton, I could probably tell myself 'Hey, no sweat, at least I improved my stroke, lost many calories orhad a good social interaction with friends'. Sure, it works. It makes you feel better. but I still didn't win the game. And sometimes in life, you HAVE to win the game.

Life is a game. Did I say that already? There are people who win. There are more people who lose. It's an undeniable fact. It's utterly impersonal. Maybe the trick to winning is not so much to play a bad hand back to a winning hand -although it's entirely possible-, but to recognise and bet big on the good hands, and know when to cut losses on the bad ones. Whether it's about social relationships, jobs, finance, personal adversity, I guess in the course of our life, we'll be dealt a great number of cards. Opportunities. Some will reward us greatly. Some will be a great waste of our time, effort, money, and cause much heartache. It's utterly impersonal.

So what does one have to do?

1)Play the game better. Learn the strategies, the tactics, the raw skills, and even the exploits. Every hand requires a different mix of these, and sometimes stuff that isn't in my repetoire. Knowledge is power, so learn to get an edge. In multiplayer environments, as Life invariably is, understand the social mechanics and psychology of others. Apply Game Theory. Or Sun Tsu's Art of War. Or Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Cooperate. Negotiate. Manipulate.

2)Balance the risks and rewards. Life is not just one hand of poker, but thousands. Don't bet everything on one throw of the dice,if you will forgive the mixed anologies here. Capitalise on the good hands, play as best you can, and cash out at the right time. On bad hands, give it a go, but cut your loss as soon as you recognise it. Don't keep throwing good money after bad money, as stock investors like to say. (That's where I suspect my work life is at right now. I STILL have to win, i.e. pass my pH.D, but I'm not gonna stake my entire life on this dud hand)

So there. My new philosophy for Life. Knowing that I will be dealt with dud hands from time to time without it being my fault makes it easier to bear. If I learn the game, and keep playing each hand, chances are I will win more than I lose. And at the end of it all, on my deathbed, after I tally everything up I want to have won more than I lost. Only then, I can be judged a WINNER. But even if my losses outnumber my gains, I will still only be a person who lost. Not a Loser.

Because, in the Great Game of Life, the only real Losers are the ones who choose not to play.

Game on!

In Pursuit of a Goal: Week 3

2007-03-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

Laps: 34
Distance: 13.6km
Time: 77mins 37s
Calories burnt: 1026
Av. Speed 1: 10.7 ( mostly)
Av Speed 2: 175.2m/min
Av Speed 3: 2min 17sec/lap

Knees feel fine, but ankles feeling poorly. Maybe i need better shoe support.

In Pursuit of a Goal: Week 2.5

2007-03-23T12:17:00.000+08:00

Started my first interval training of the year. 6 laps at between 1:30 to 1:45 mins per lap. Managed to stick to 1 min rest per interval. At last, a regular gym routine seems to be forming. 10+ km on mondays, intervals + weights on thurs, and skating on sunday. And when it doesn't hurt so much anymore, I might consider returning to Aikido on Tues and Fri.

Still haven't recovered fully from last monday's 12km run. The knees are somewhat ok, but ankles still hurt. The vigorous pounding on the treadmill belt is taking its toll. Other than that, there isn't much cramping on the leg muscles, so I know they're holding out fine. But maybe I should consider taking glucosamine supplements if I'm gonna keep up this routine. Getting old. Bones aren't what they were used to be. :-(

Sling actually ran for close to 28mins, around 4km. I'm proud of her!!! In due time I think she'll have those killer iron legs she wanted. Right, Sling? :-p

Sigh. Now if only I can get my weight to go down.

In Pursuit of a Goal: Week 2

2007-03-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

Laps: 30
Distance: 12.0km
Time: 68mins 28s
Calories burnt: 907
Av. Speed 1: 10.6
Av Speed 2: 175m/min
Av Speed 3: 2min 17sec/lap

In Pursuit of a Goal: Week 1

2007-03-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

Laps: 27
Distance: 10.8km
Time: 63mins 31s
Calories burnt: 807
Av. Speed 1: 10.2
Av Speed 2: 170m/min
Av Speed 3: 2min 21sec/lap

New skill to learn:

2007-03-07T14:57:00.000+08:00

How to set deadlines for yourself for projects which have no inherent deadline.

Damned, it's hard to move a task from the "someday" pile back into active play.

So WWSTD? (What would Steve Pavlina do?)

Ahh! Ok, I hereby sincerely and passionately intend for my work backlog to disappear! Oh and 1 million dollars to appear in my bank account too!

*stares at workpile*

...

*Stares a few moments longer*

Crap.

This intention manifestation thing isn't working fast enough.

Ok, lets try with another pithy saying of his.

"Replace Finish it with Begin it"

"Begin it, Begin it, Begin it Begin it, Beginitbeginitbeginitbeginitbeginitbegi......."

Flowcharts!

2007-02-26T18:36:00.000+08:00

Because Information is King

2007-01-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

MIT is opening its course material to the public for FREE!

Definitely useful for people like me, who still needs to constantly learn even after the traditional education system has stopped force-feeding me.

Hanoi - Day 1: Delays, Scams, and darkening pee sai.

2007-01-22T21:47:00.000+08:00

We flew over to Hanoi on the 28th of Dec 2006 on Vietnam Airlines. Ticket price was $324 pax inclusive of all taxes and surcharges, which was quite reasonable. However, the airlines didn't exactly give us much confidence, as the company kept calling us to tell us that our flight was changed. Originally, it was supposed to be a direct flight to Hanoi. THEN, they called to tell us that we'd have to transit in Ho Chi Minh City, adding another 2 hours to our travel time. THEN, the day before we were to leave, they called us again to say that our flight would be delayed an hour. Not surprisingly, when we reached the airport, it was delayed YET AGAIN! No prizes for guessing what happened to our plane from Ho Chih Min City to Hanoi. Or our return flight from Hanoi back to Singapore. Yep, clever boys and girls. Delayed again!!!

From Hanoi Trip 28...

First view of Ho Chi Minh Airport. Yikes! So.... countryside!!!

From Hanoi Trip 28...

Airplane food. Stirfried pork with rice, fruits, salad, cake, orange juice and vietnamese beer. *burp*

But that is neither here nor there. To return to the story, we reached Changi airport at around 1pm, took off at around 3pm, transited through HCM city and reached Hanoi Noi Bai airport around 8pm.

From Hanoi Trip 28...

Noi Bai Airport -Spotless and Shiny!!!

Exiting the airport, we stumbled our way to the airport minibus, which was supposed to take us to the Old Quarter in Hanoi's Hoan Kim district for USD$2. However, there seemed to be few takers, and we ended up sitting in the van for 30 mins as the touts tried in vain to solicit more passengers. Finally we gave up waiting and headed for the taxi queue, where 2 cabbies from rival companies fought over us for our patronage.

I'd read on the internet about the various taxi scams the cabbies in Hanoi try to pull on customers, so I was not surprised, though a little fearful, when the cabbie we engaged started his nonsense. After we told him the address of our hotel, he made a call to his friend over in town. He then passed me the phone and asked me to tell his friend the name of the hotel we were staying in. When we arrived, he drove through a bewildering maze of small streets, finally stopping at a strange place where a stranger opened our taxi door, flashed us a business card bearing the the name Anh Dao hotel, and confidently proclaimed "Welcome to Anh Dao". Unfortunately, the dingy building behind him didn't look at all like our hotel, so we sat tight in the taxi and refused to budge. Now, although I was -sure- this was a textbook scam, I had no way of refuting his words, so I decided to fight dishonesty with dishonesty. Feigning doubt, I questioned whether this was indeed the hotel, and bluffed him that I had already paid up for the rooms. I was hoping he'd catch on to the possible inconvenience of me insisting on free rooms at his hotel, since I had already 'paid up'. He did. Realising that he'd have no end of trouble trying to fleece a 'paid up' customer, he threw us an insincere apology and directed the driver.... to take us to the right place.

At this time, I decided to reveal my pathetic command of vietnamese by telling the driver to drop us at Hoan Kim lake, or the general post office instead. I hope it shocked him a little, since he was brazenly yakking away (in vietnamese) to his fellow scammer on the phone throughout the entire journey. He probably thought I didn't understand! Haha, I didn't, but it could have shaken him a little as he wondered how much I understood. Anyway, in chicken-and-duck talk, he rejected our request to drop us lakeside, and insisted he'd bring us to the right hotel this time round, which he did. This time, the large signboard outside the hotel was unmistakable. On a good note, at least the cabbie had the decency to apologise to us after we alighted.

The service staff at Anh Dao hotel were nice and friendly. The room reservations went smoothly, and we paid up for both the night (USD$15/night), and for our Halong bay trip the next day (USD$39 for 2d/1n, via ODC travel). The room wasn't as horrific as cousin Cheryl described. There was no gaping hole in our door, and our beds, floor and bathroom were spotless. No cockroaches, no bedbugs, no mosquitoes. Aircon was working well. Well ok, the bathroom door couldn't be locked, and the TV cable was loose, but no biggie.

From Hanoi Trip 28...

Hoan Kim Lake at night

Despite it being rather late, we were eager to head out for a look of the old quarter. Took a 10 minute walk down to Hoan Kim lake and did a circuit of it. Very pretty. Lots of young lovers huddled up on park benches, or on the stone steps near the edge of the lake. The air was crisp and cool, like Genting. A light misty haze gently rests over all of Hanoi. At first I thought that it was really pretty. Only after a few days did I realise that... dammit, its the pollution from all that traffic!! @#$@#$!. I only began to get a clue after seeing my pee sai gradually turn darker and darker as the day passed.

From Hanoi Trip 28...

North end of Hoan Kim Lake. Sort of the central hub of the old quarter.

Generally it felt safe, as there were plenty of people walking on the streets at any time. Streets were dirty and some were dimly lit, but I still think it feels less dangerous than walking down Bangkok's Khaosan road at night. Less sleaze and drunken rowdiness. Motorbikes were everywhere. Every man, woman and kid seemed to ride one, and none of them wear helmets. Traffic lights and rules are non-existent, unless a policeman happened to be standing nearby. The only way to cross the road is, like everyone says, to just step out and walk, and let the flow of traffic flow around you. Don't run, don't make false or sudden moves, don't try to avoid the bikes. They will avoid you. I can totally see why some people are saying the best way is to shut your eyes and just walk!

Not much to see in the first night, since it's rather late and most of the shops are closed, so we headed back around 11+, cleaned up, and went to sleep.

****
Don't miss the next episode of 'Hanoi', where our intrepid travellers, Tempestblue and Sling, head down to the beautiful Halong bay, one of Unesco's World Heritage Sites! Join them as they cruise the clear blue waters. Find out what surprise awaits them at the Surprising cave. Stay tuned!

From Hanoi Trip 28...

Hanoi Trip 28th Dec 2006 to 2nd Jan 2007

2007-01-17T13:42:00.000+08:00

5D/5N in Hanoi for SGD$600 or less, all inclusive.

Here we go. Rest of the photos are below. Story to come when I feel like writing. :-p

Hanoi Trip 28 Dec 2006

2007-01-12T19:42:00.000+08:00

Sent the boss a lengthy letter. Showdown talks with him on monday. We'll see how it goes.

After 4 years of mismanaging my studies, I may not become a doctor after all. It gives me perverse pleasure to thumb my nose thus at all who've ever teased me with that lofty title.

Idle thoughts

2007-01-12T00:47:00.000+08:00

Feeling kinda sad right now. No lah... not sad. Wistful. Confused. Yes, I know when I made the decision to go down this road, my sensitivity, my usually well-shielded emotions, will have no protection from the battering it will take from this rollercoaster journey. What to do? Pick myself up, rub my bruises and tahan the pain. And walk on.

Its the lonely, solitary walk that's the hardest.

Happy New Year 2007

2007-01-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

Oopsie! Wasn't in Singapore to witness the festivities. Where do you think I was?

More details coming up!

Archived for future reference

2006-11-13T11:38:00.000+08:00

A wise woman told me last night: [while it is ok to record all your vents and frustrations in your blog]....it is more important to record the good times. So when you look back on the past entries, you remember all the good things that happened.

Ok, I paraphrased a lot of what she actually said, but that was the underlying idea. I feel sad for my friends when they perpetually blog about all the bad things that happened to them. Re-reading it after a few weeks, it still makes me sad. I can only imagine how it would feel like for the friend who rereads his/her own entries. I guess it just perpetuates the general aura of negativity past its natural lifespan.

That's not to say that I don't do this sort of thing. I'm sure my rant entries outnumber my happy ones. But awareness is the first step to change. The second step, here, is corrective behaviour. Thus in this entry, I shall record a happy moment.

***

I look forward to the weekends now, because that's when Forest and I set time aside to be with each other. For many fridays now, after my aikido training and her gym session, we meet for supper and a movie. Last friday, it was Flushed Away, that British mouse/rat movie featuring the voice of Hugh Jackman. I remarked that it's so odd to be watching Hugh Jackman act in 3 movies set in the UK within the span of 30 days. Scoop, The Prestige, and now Flushed Away.

For dinner, we tried out that new restaurant at Cineleisure: Chicago's Steakhouse. No, it's not Morten's and the prices were quite reasonable. Steak was good... comparable in price and quality to Botak Jones (which we had 2 weeks before). But the ++ charges make it slightly pricier. They gave us a generous set of discount coupons for future patronage though. Worth using next time.

Saturdays, we roam the town and hunt down exciting things to do. Or just spend a lazy afternoon at my place. the saturday after Flushed Away, we went to collect our Hanoi air tix at Beach Road. Then, we drove down to Maxwell Market to sample the famous Hock Kee porridge. It rained cats and dogs while we ate our "pei dan chok" and special fried tao kua, so we hung around for a while and watched the pelting rain, and the people running from shelter to shelter in the distance. The rain didn't seem like stopping, so after a while I ran to the car, grabbed my umbrella, and ran back to the shelter to escort her back to the car.

We rented 3 DVDs from VideoEZ, intending to spend the rest of the day at my place watching them on my nearly redundant Xbox: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Keeping Mum, and The Guru. I had a painful diarhhea from something I ate,which interrupted our viewing for 20 minutes, while Forest battled the sleep bug every 10 minutes or so. Somehow, we still managed to follow the thought-provoking Jim Carrey show to its bittersweet end.

Mum cooked a sumptious feast of teriyaki cod fillet, herbal chicken and sambal prawns for dinner. Forest and I handled the dishwashing later. I soaped, while she rinsed. I caught the Chelsea-Watford match on ESPN, while she dozed off again, head on my lap. We bickered teasingly about the constant after-dinner snacking of chocolates and peanut biscuits. But I ate as much as she did.

She spent the night at my place, and on Sunday morning I sent her home to change. We bought a macdonald's breakfast of egg and sausage macmuffins with hashbrowns and orange juice, and she fed the both of us in the car as I ferried her to the Zoo for her Docents duty.

Not particularly exciting... not particularly romantic... but I'm thinking that one day, It'll bring a smile to our faces when we recall the memories of these little moments together. So here I'll file a snapshot of the past. Archived for future reference.

Averil Chan Superstar!

2006-11-08T13:31:00.000+08:00

Hehe...ok sorry guys for the lack of updates, I've been really busy/lazy (take your pick) the past month or so, esp with a business proposal project I've been working on in school. Quick recap, I:

Went for IPPT: Scored a silver, with 2.4km timing clocked at 10:47mins. Not too bad given that I hadn't been training for 2 months. I might just start training in nov-feb period, and try again in march for Gold, before my form drops too much.

Celebrated Birthday: Went to Ikoi with Forest at Hotel Miramar for sushi buffet. $30+++. The sashimi was fantastic. I loved the Salmon and yellow tail in particular. The rest were so so, but the tempura was a little disappointing compared to Kuishinbo's. Variety was also quite limited. Place was fully booked up to 3 weeks in advanced, but when we walked in (without reservation), we were lucky to have 2 places by the counter, just beside the cashier. I think Kuishinbo is better value for money.. but if you really care about top sashimi quality, then Ikoi is the place.

Went for a JB day trip: Ate lobster lunch, then another heavy dinner, and then to Kota Tinggi to see fireflies. Bought a lot of tau sa piah and cuttlefish. Ate till I nearly popped. For SGD$48, I guess I can't complain.

PSS2: Went to watch pre-recording of Project Superstar 2 at Caldecott, where cousin AVERIL CHAN 陈诗韵 was doing her stage performance. She sang Fly Away by Fish Leong, and wah... I had goosebumps when she started to sing. Such a powerful and steady voice! I've always known that she could sing, but after all the training for the competition, she's improved so much more. I thought she showed no nerves at all, despite being the first to sing. Even the judges were impressed by her voice. The only thing they could fault her with was in her stage movements, which they said was too restrained. Overall, I think she was one of the top 3 among the 6 girls during the first recording.

I thought the silly intro video where she played with a bunch of bananas was really in bad taste. She wanted to use her cat, but the producers said no. In the end, some of the contestents had to use really silly props to describe themselves: Like balloons, bubbles, a teapot, and bananas! How the heck can one try and use bananas as an analogy to their hopes/ dreams/ ambitions??? Really kena sabo by the producers leh.

Anyway, Project Superstar 2 is showing every wed and thurs on Channel U 8pm. If you guys are at home, do switch on your TV and take a look ok? I believe they are showing the audition clips today, and hopefully, we can see Averil in action. Actual quarterfinals voting will be... 22nd Nov I think.

If you think she's good and deserves to progress in PSS2, then please spare a few votes for her ok?

Close Shave

2006-09-08T17:34:00.000+08:00

Speaking of shaving.....

Dammit. This is the 2nd time since Aug that I have nearly been involved in a car crash. Both times, it involved a vehicle turning left into a main road, and then swinging out two lanes to his right, starting from the filter lane, then through the left lane and immediately to the centre lane without looking. Naturally, I would be on that centre lane going straight, when the bloody vehicle cuts into my lane from my left. First, time, it was a bike, and just this morning, it was a taxi.

My first instinct was to hit the brakes and veer to my right, but later when I thought about it, that was probably a stupid thing to do. In that moment of panic, I swerved right and crossed ino the next lane without checking my mirror. If there had been a car or bike to my right, I would have hit them, and then I would have been at fault. I could have caused injury, death, or expensive damage to other people and property, and been liable for it.

My next thought was that maybe I should have held firm and let that bloody taxi sideswipe me. He was literally only one third of a body-length ahead of my car when he tried to cut in. Confirm langar one. Then HE'd be at fault, my passenger-side would be damaged, and in subsequent repairs those scratches on my car door could have been restored while claiming on the taxi's insurance!! :-p

But the fact is that I probably don't have the guts to do that. The natural instinct is inclined towards self-preservation. In between holding firm and bracing myself for a collision, or swerving away to avoid it, I'd swerve away most of the time even when hindsight suggests the former course of action causes less of a road hazard and puts me in less of a liability.

What would you guys have in such a situation? Discuss.

Shave

2006-09-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

I have been jogging with Mr Muscles every monday for the past month and a half, and every time we meet up, he tries to extort me to run shirtless. Now, generally I wouldn't mind going bare-topped. I usually do that when I play street soccer with the guys. But the main reluctance, besides the obvious embarassment of showing off my undefined muscles and United Nations tummy flab next to his bodybuilding-competition-contender frame, is that uneasy feeling of a thousand mosquitoes salivating with glee as they stalk me from the darkness of the trees.

Mr Muscles says encouragingly that the ventilation is much better. Not to mention that I don't end up with a soaking wet shirt which will leave stains when I sit in the car. Plus, it gives extra motivation for me to tone up my bod. He makes a convincing argument. But I resist out of principle. And sheer stubbornness, I guess.

But the nagging does grow a little old. I guess I could run shirtless. I don't think I'd die from embarassment when I pass by fellow joggers, strollers and pretty babes. I probably won't even warrant a 2nd glance. There's only one dilemma on my mind. One that I suddenly thought of while grooming myself in front of the bathroom mirror.

The million-dollar question is this: Should I shave my armpit hair? Should men in general shave their armpit hair? Now, I'm fortunate to be blessed with a moderately sparse growth in the area. Not the huge bush that peeps out every which way even when one clips his arms tightly against his sides. However, it does tend to smell after exercise, or after certain meals. If shaving will help reduce the odour, It'd be a great plus. However, there is a deep-rooted impression in me that men who shave their armpit hair have a strong streak of narcicissm and vanity, Something I don't want to portray. Is that how shaved men are being viewed by others?

I'd like to hear some views from you guys and gals who read my blog. What is your impression of men who shave? Should men shave? Should I?? Dilemma!!

Music Showcase: Nightwish - Over the Hills and Far Away

2006-09-05T16:56:00.000+08:00

I Like.

Lyrics:

They came for him one winter's night.
Arrested, he was bound.
They said there'd been a robbery,
his pistol had been found.

They marched to the station house,
he waited for the dawn.
And as they led him to the dock,
he knew that he'd been wrong.
"You stand accused of robbery,"
he heard the bailiff say.
He knew without an alibi,
tomorrow's light would mourn his freedom.

Over the hills and far away,
for ten long years he'll count the days.
Over the mountains and the seas,
a prisoner's life for him there'll be.

He knew that it would cost him dear,
but yet he dare not say.
Where he had been that fateful night,
a secret it must stay.
He had to fight back tears of rage.
His heart beats like a drum.
For with the wife of his best friend,
he spent his final night of freedom.

Over the hills and far away,
he swears he will return one day.
Far from the mountains and the seas,
back in her arms he swears he'll be.
Over the hills and far away.

Over the hills and,
over the hills and,
over the hills and far away.

Each night within his prison cell,
he looks out through the bars.
He reads the letters that she wrote.
One day he'll know the taste of freedom.

Over the hills and far away,
she prays he will return one day.
As sure as the rivers reach the seas,
back in his arms she swears she'll be.

Over the hills and far away,
he swears he will return one day.
Far from the mountains and the seas,
back in her arms he swears he'll be.

Over the hills and far away,
she prays he will return one day.
As sure as the rivers reach the seas,
back in his arms is where she'll be.

Over the hills,
over the hills and far away.

Over the hills,
over the hills and far away.

Towards a polychromatic life

2006-08-23T16:10:00.000+08:00

"...'Even aboriginals do not exist in time as your ancestors did. For them, time was linear-'

'And for us it is polychromatic,' she completed for him with a vigorous nod.

'That is a clarified way to regard it,', he agreed, pleased with her description.

'Polychromatic - of many colors. It is pointless to measure personal time in years when one no longer ages and a life is not a span of phases. The more meaningful understanding of time is how life colors it.'..."

- Ellen Vancet, oldest of the original human 'aboriginals' and immortal, in conversation with metasapient Rafe von Takara. Centuries, by A.A. Attanasio

***
Even in Science Fiction, I guess the fundamental truths still apply...

Fed up.

2006-08-21T14:37:00.000+08:00

I'm not happy.

Sometimes, maybe, when people are in a negative mood, any little trivial problem between them just bounces off each other in an amplifying feedback loop until it becomes massive.

Sometimes, I feel frustration when dealing with people who never think they are wrong. Who never even consider the possiblity that they -might- be wrong. When any trouble starts, its my fault first.

I don't understand these people. In most cases I always start by asking if I am wrong first; If I conclude that I am not, I find it frustrating that the other parties do not seem to go through this self-reflective process. It makes conflict resolution very hard for me.

There is so much to say, but there is no point in putting it out here. Dirty laundry shouldn't be aired in public. And conflict resolution cannot occur until the other party recognises that my opinions count for something.

Suffice to say, I wish people would be interested to try to see things from my point of view sometimes. Just because I'm adaptable doesn't mean I like to give in every time. Why don't people even want to TRY to understand me? Or must I really be obnoxious about it before it becomes evident I feel strongly about something? Being nice about it doesn't seem to be helping.

Its just ... a little crush

2006-08-13T21:03:00.000+08:00

Wed: National day. Got involved in a massive traffic jam along a tiny one-way carpark driveway near old Airport hawker centre. And that's after getting stuck in traffic at Tanjong Rhu as thousands of people had the bright idea to drive down to the riverside to watch the fireworks. But anyway. Tanjong Rhu was packed, so we had the bright idea to ascend the multistorey carpark overlooking Kallang stadium at Old Airport road. Went into the small road leading to the carpark, which was packed as well. no one could move. a lorry blocked the entire lane. Some couple in the car had an emergency and seemed to need to leave, but couldn't. Girl throws a tantrum and cries in the car. Tortured looking boyfriend looks stressed but can't do anything.Ended up watching NDP fireworks among a crush of people at Kallang. Damned tree was blocking. Couldn't see shit.

Friday: Forest was late. Watched fireworks alone among a crush of people at the rooftop of Marina square. Lousy and narrow field of view. Walked around a crush of people in Marina square, where a Tamiya car event was going on. Can't even breathe.

Sat: Squeezed through a crush of people in Suntec and Marina Square again. At 8pm, squeezed through a crush of people packed all the way up Benjamin Sheares Bridge. Movement was only possible by leaping over the railings and walking down the expressway shoulder lanes. Not to worry. Police were in full force, guiding traffic. No chance of us getting mowed down by an errant Malaysia tour bus. Even if one did go out of control, probably the hundreds of people walking ahead of me would slow down its momentum first.

My view of the firework launch area. Field of view includes a closeup of someone's balding head and thinning hair. Why are all the youths so tall? Must be all the growth hormornes injected into the hamburgers they eat. Damned. All I see is head and hair everywhere.

Sunday: Squeezed through a crush of people at the Singapore Expo centre as I browsed through the Library book fare. Grabbed 6 tattered books for $6. I don't even know what they are about exactly. Cheap lah, so mai hiam.

Anyway. I'm beginning to see a trend here. Are you? There are too many people in Singapore. Everywhere there is a good deal, a free show, a lobang, a kang tao, I have to fight my way through hundreds to thousands of like-minded freebie hunters like myself. Advanced as my elbowing and barging skills are, I just wished sometimes I didn't always have to knock people out of the way to get to where I want, or queue for an hour to eat as a cafe. Or suck in my tummy when I dive through the crowd....I want space!!!

***

Anyway, I didn't take any pictures of the fireworks. All I had was my trusty w800i 2megapixel camera. If there's one thing I learnt from the CNY fireworks earlier this year, it's that I don't want to be so involved in looking at the spectacular pyrotechnics through a 3.5 inch LCD display that I miss seeing it through my own eyes in all its thunderous, full-coloured glory. I pity all those people who stood there while the fireworks were going off, their little cameras held high as they tried to balance precariously on their little island of standing space, trying so hard to frame the fireworks into the screen just so they can watch it later on their little LCD display in playback mode and mono sound.

Yeah. So when it started, I just put my camera phone away, looked up in the sky, and watched. Beautiful.

Mass murder on an unimaginable scale

2006-08-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

Link

Yet another religiously-motivated act of terrorism. *sigh* Seems like all the world news these involving mass-murders and killings (or attempted ones) are religiously motivated. 911, Bali bombings, even that big mess in Israel/Gaza strip/Lebanon, where politics and religion are so hopelessly muddled and intertwined. The only incident I can think of where religion was not the cause of a massive death-toll would be the recent tsunami of Christmas 2004. Now if I wanted to be sarcastic I'd mention that hey, wouldn't some people view the tsunami to be an act of god too? Aha! See? God kills more people. Shame on you, Anubis, Thanatos, Hades, Yama Yanluowang and Azrael. But after more thinking I guess that would have been disrespectful. To the dead people and their surviving kin, that is. So I guess I shouldn't be sarcastic.

When will people ever learn not to kill and die in the name of religion? I'm sorry if it offends, but that's just plain stupid. It's really off-putting, all the hassles they are causing to other people trying to lead their lives peacefully.

Thought.

2006-08-11T17:36:00.000+08:00

Food for thought. Point to ponder:

Maybe its not enough to have a plan and set goals. The goals and associated actions attached must come with a sense of urgency as well, otherwise I'll just put it off for an indefinite later that will never come.

Like a ringing telephone out of the blue; Catching you off-guard. It won't wait for you to finish bathing, or cooking, or waking up. It must be answered now, now NOW before the caller gets tired and puts down the phone. It makes you move despite yourself. Makes you put everything aside to focus on getting to the phone.

How do I form my goals with that in mind? How can I make my required actions resonate with the urgency of a ringing telephone?

Urgency. Motivation. Time. Everything's connected. I sense that I can almost feel that unifying picture that will make everything make sense. Almost....

I need to look some more.

Deadlines - That little thing that just wooshes past as I look on by. Gotta work on that.

Character observations

2006-08-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

Mission:

Purchase Specs

Equipment:

1 x $100 voucher for a pair of specs at Optic Point (Redeemable for $150 purchase and above).

Proposed Expenditure:

$50 ($150-$100)

Setting:

Tampines DBS Centre Optic Point

Choices:

Lenses:

Normal scratch resistant: $38
Scratch resistant, multi coat: $78
scratch resistant, multi-coat, non-high index:$68

Frames:

Cheap ugly frame(CUF) - $78
Acceptable frame(AF) - $109
Nice frame(NF) - $138
Very cool frame(VCF) - $178
Frameless: ~$200-$280

Combinations considered:

AF + Normal lens: $147 (not eligible for discount)
AF + multi coat lens: $187
NF + normal lens: $176
VCF + normal lens: $216

Dilemma:

Good lens, or cool frame?

Decision:

Cool frame for teh win $216 ($116 after discount)

Conclusion:

Me is cheap but vain

Month roundup: Food, movies and Free Gym trials.

2006-08-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

Foods:

1) Chilli Padi @ North Bridge rd, opposite Hotel Intercontinental. Windows plastered with certificates of culinary awards from Wine and Dine, Tatler, etc etc from the past 5 years. Its main drawing point for Forest and I was the cheap buffet offered. Lunch and Dinner buffets at ard $10-$11 nett ($1 more on weekends), and high tea at ard $7 nett. The place was a little cramped; it was clearly a popular place, and the restaurant was constantly filled with crowds for the entire time we were there. Serves Laksa, mee siam, a huge range of peranakan kuehs like ondeh ondeh, tapioca cakes, ang ku kuehs, and err.. many other sweet and sticky stuff generously coated with shaved coconut. Main dishes include babi pongteh, fried fish, samosas .. and other stuff i can't remember. Food is generally of good standard, but my tongue isn't very finicky, so I don't know if it lives up to the 'award quality' standard or not. But value for money, definitely!!

2) Rabbit Brand Seafood Delicacies @ #02-114 Lucky Plaza, Orchard Road
Sharks fin, abalone, fish maw, buddha jumps over the wall and other Chinese delicacies, all at fast food prices. Sounds crazy? Maybe. But its true. They serve set meals that go for between $4.90 to $10.00 thereabouts. I ordered some fried rice thingy for $5.90 which came with two whole baby abalones, and shredded scallops, while Forest ordered sharks fin soup + rice for $4.90. All came with cheng tng dessert. The portions aren't generous, and don't expect premium whole sharks fin either. But it definitely is comparable to a bowl of cheap wedding dinner quality sharks fin dish. Maybe even better. If chinese delicacies are your thing but you're on a budget, then you'll want to visit that place often. Fantastic value for money.

Movies - The quick and dirty verdict:

1)How much do you love me - Farcical French film about Monica Belluci's sex appeal, masquerading as an arthouse movie.

2)Me and you and everyone we know - Nice. Sweet. Mildly amusing. Lacking in overall direction. Actress and producerMiranda July, in my opinion, was the weak link. Her character is odd and doesn't resonate in tune with the setting.

3)Thank you for Smoking - Funniest, wittiest show I've seen in years, since Howard Stern's 'Private Parts'. Watch it! Buy the DVD. Download it. Definitely not a waste of time.

4)Pirates of the Carribean - Funny adventure romp with great special effects and classical Hollywood story. Singapore gets mentioned once in the show. Good, but not great. Beginning storyline is confusing, even if you've watched the prequel. For its budget, definitely could have done better.

5)Superman - Dark, brooding, and some say sensitive. Do we really want to see an angst-ridden Superman tortured by his conflicting emotions? Lex Luthor is a disappointment, and the showdown between good and evil is a letdown. Anticlimatic. Only scene that I liked was when one of Lex's thugs sat down by the piano and played 'a duet 'Heart and Soul' with Louis Lane's kid. Whimsical and endearing. Like how the kid flung the piano at the same thug moments later and smashed him through the wall.

6)The Lakehouse - Sweet romance story for the intellectually uncomplicated. Keanu is as stone-faced as ever, Sandra Bullock seems older and plumper. Reason why this movie sucks for me is the same as most time-travel story every filmed. Too many time-line inconsistencies, all hushed up and swept under the carpet, hoping the audience doesn't notice. Even Back to the Future (that Michael J Fox show from the early 90's) handled time travel better.

7)Nacho Libre - Low brow(really low) slapstick. Lots of Mexican stereotypes. Occasional subtle humor. Ok only lah.

***

Other than eating and watching movies, Forest and i also managed to weasel a 2 week pass to California Fitness from them, after enduring a sales pitch for over an hour. funny thing is, I'm most probably not going to be using it, since its so inconvenient to go over there. (ok ok, maybe it IS convenient. But I'm lazy). At least Forest is making full use of it. I'm interested in their range of classes, but most don't operate past 8pm. If I were to make use of my pass, the best time for me to go down would be after 9.30pm, after a late night in campus. I'd rather use the gym at my place for all my other fitness needs. Or, there's always Bedok Reservoir to jog around. Cali Fitness just feels too crowded and intimidating to me. Too many intensely-focused, muscle-bound enthusiasts repetitatively pumping iron with crazy-eyed intensity.

***

Over a stormy sky

2006-07-21T12:42:00.000+08:00

All is well. Really.

The absolutely laziest yet surefire way to losing weight.

2006-07-12T15:09:00.000+08:00

Quoted from http://www.annecollins.com/

Let's say you eat a bag (8oz=227.2g)* of potato chips (approx 1217 calories).

* If you jump rope, you can burn off all these calories in about 110 minutes.
* If you walk at 3mph, you can burn off these calories in about 243 minutes.
* In addition, exercise helps to raise your muscle-fat ratio. The more muscle your body has, the more calories you burn and the more weight you lose.
* Finally, exercise also helps you to lose weight by boosting your motivation to stick to your weight loss program.

***

Yeaaahh.. well. Exercise is well and good, but exercise solely to cancel out the effects of a bag of chips??? Now I ask myself, would I rather spend 2 hours jumping on a fucking rope, or 10 seconds deciding not to eat something that will just turn to shit in half an hour?

Wow... dieting has never been easier!

---------------------
*Comparison: 1 pack of Lay's chips = 184g = 985kcal = 89 minutes of jumping rope

Now that's using his head

2006-07-10T18:11:00.000+08:00

Scene: Germany, World Cup Finals, 2006
Teams: Italy vs France
Cast: Zinedine Zidane, Marco Matterazzi
Time: Extra time, 2nd half - 117:40 mins

All I can say is... Wow. Just wow. Way to create a memorable exit, Zizou!

Strange Luck.

2006-07-06T16:52:00.000+08:00

When you start to call upon the powers of Fate; when you start to worship the Goddess of Serendipity;

Strange things start happening to you:

1) Kena HDB summon for parking without a coupon: -$30
2) Bet on World Cup matches: +$23.50
3) Mum's hp no. came out first prize in last week's 4D: +$0.
4)Car kena cruelly and maliciously scratched in a dozen places: - several hundred dollars *sob*
5) What next??? Lets hope I kena Toto. I need new paintwork for the car. Heck, maybe a new car, if I win the 1.5Million top prize.

***
Fuck the person who scratched my car. May his/her genitals become infested with fleas and drop off. May they get sacked from their job and thrown into jail, where they get sodomized every night by some fat freak called Bubba. May their family disown them and write them off their will. May their future children(adopted, since their genitals have dropped off) abandon them in a cardboard box somewhere in a Malaysian oil plantation. May organ bandits kidnap them and remove their kidneys (without anaesthesia) in a makeshift operating room in some dirty shack, before smacking them retarded with a baseball bat. May they then get shipped to Thailand, where they are forced to beg on the streets, after their limbs are cut off to make them look pitiful. May their tongues get sliced off too so they can't talk. And may they finally die alone, after days of agony, in a dirty little alley, lying in a puddle of their own piss and defecation.

And have their corpse eaten by stray dogs.

Fuck.

New Year's Resolutions 2006: A half-year review

2006-07-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

1)First hurdle, Ph.D qualifying exams. Wrap up the proposal in Jan, sit for the oral examinations.

Done! It took 5 months later than projected *blush* but its finally done

2)Insinuate myself back into the lab and establish a permanent presence. Set up shop and start business, so to speak.

Errrr... OK. Starting today! *sigh* I really have a phobia about my workplace. It gives me bad vibes. I need to plough through my insecurities and do what needs to be done.

3) Learn to network! Chat up bosses, collaborators, classmates, tech assistants, storemen. Be Pro-active!

*Note to self: BE PROACTIVE*

4)Slay procrastination! Set up work goals! Eliminate the 1001 little time wasting habits! Get into a productive daily routine!

Implemented GTD method (somewhat), have a calender and planner now, know TONS of self-help and productivity methods and mantras. *sigh* But less results than expected. A case of sharpening the saw too much, but not cutting enough firewood? Next Action: Put skills to practical use!

5)Learn to follow through! Bring projects to completion! More action!

Still to implement this one effectively workwise. :-(

6)Rejoin Aikido. Get my black belt (2nd Kyu) by 3rd quarter 2006.

I'm finally mentally prepared and free to go back this month.

7)Re-connect with the old friends I've lost touch with. Kev. YS and sis. Irv. Der and Beng. The old Aikido supper club. The ML Boyz. The Order of the Flaming Pig.

Kewl and Yv: Contacted. Met. Future activities in pipeline
YS and Sis: Contacted YS, and old friend CK. Meetup in pipeline.
Irv: must call when I finally arrange a meeting with YS and CK.
Der and Beng: Always on MSN. But seldom talk.
Old Aikido Supper club: When I return to Aikido
ML boyz: Hon and Mico, mainly. On MSN.
Astro girlz: Still in touch.

8)Do some new sports and travel: Learn diving. Go white water rafting. Trek up Mt Kinabalu. Visit Nepal.

*sigh* Well. I did go Bangkok. That counts as travel. :-)

9)Develop THE relationship. Discover the self. Cherish the moments. Dream of the future. Learn to FEEL.

Learnt it too well, maybe. I'm happy.

10)Get IPPT Gold with maximum points.

*sigh* Working on it now. Weight wise, I'm heavier than at the same point last year. But much fitter.

11)Lose 3-5kg in weight. Get my 6pack abs. Reduce body fat to15%

Damned soccer nights in Mac aren't helping. Neither did that huge feast of curry and goat cheese and bryani rice at Samy's Curry Restaurant the other day. Starting exercise regime right now in prep for IPPT on end Oct.

12)Get mermaidy stuff for not-so-little cousin. Learn to fend off generous aunts who try and pay back your gifts by flinging money into the car as you drive off.

There can't possibly be any incarnation of Disney's The Little Mermaid merchandise that she doesn't own yet! Maybe a Starbucks mermaid? As for fending relatives off... I still can't bear to do what Ivanny does, although I admire his courage and defiance sometimes.

13)Learn more about investing, and growing my money.

Yup yup! More financially aware. Now all I need is some money to play around with!!

14) Learn to do a handstand

Erm. Maybe when my busted ankle heals.
... Or maybe I should finally sign up for that Capoeira class.

Pepsi ad: Brazil vs Japan

2006-06-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

I thought this Pepsi ad was funny. Not sure how the Japanese would take it though. :-p

2006-06-17T16:28:00.000+08:00

The part of the body that feels, hurts most when it is most open.
I never really knew what it meant when emu explained it to me once.
Until now.

Hurt depends, not on its nature, but on the source. Unguardedness makes it worse. Its unexpected nature makes me lash out in self defence. Regardless of who is on the receiving end.

It is hard to say sorry when an apology is still being expected to arrive. Things have a way of combusting even from within a frigid vacuum of nothingness.

I don't know what to do with the silence.
It scares the hell out of me.

edit: Settled. All's well again. :-)

Elevation

2006-06-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

48 crazy hours, fueled by 4 cans of red bull. 5 hours of sleep. One stressful make-or-break presentation.

Reality as you experience it tilts sideways and skitters off on its edge.

There's the intermittent hunger pangs at 4am as you realise your last meal was 9 hours ago.

There's the hallucinations you experience as you try and force in 1 hour of sleep before getting up again. 'Dreams' just doesn't begin to describe the experience.

There's the early morning nausea following the 2 second gulping down of Red Bull, and then having the caffeine surge through your sleep-deprived body.

But then suddenly, somewhere between hopping into a cab to the workplace and trudging an indeterminable distance towards your destination....

There is a sudden aura of calm: A silent 'whoosh' of stillness that envelops your senses.
You realise that the background clamour of thoughts in your head has gone quiet.
Your heart is thumping strongly and rythmically in the sudden silence.
The breaths have become slower. Deeper.
Your eyes take in the world with a kind of diffuse soft focus, just like how they always ask you to do in Aikido; focusing on everything and nothing all at once.
You are the centre of the storm; but also
the swoosh of a basketball through a net;
The quiet whoosh of a speeding MRT.

You are in the NOW.

***
It feels like an entirely higher state of consciousness. Inexplicably, I wish I could experience it more often. There's usually so much background chatter in my head, that when an experience like this comes and turns the 'mute' button on them, I can't help but feel the difference. And what a difference! Instant clarity of mind. Instant focus.

I must learn how

Mosquito Ringtone

2006-06-13T09:27:00.000+08:00

A new kind of ringtone has been making the rounds in the UK and US. Dubbed the Mosquito ringtone, it plays at a high frequency that is supposedly only audible to young people and not adults. This new technology takes advantage of the fact that as people age, they lose the ability to hear higher frequency noises. Students there are using it as a ringtone in classroom settings where handphones are not allowed. If your teacher is an old, doddering 50something, chances are he/she can't hear a thing.

New York Times has a sample of the noise here.

Fork.com also has mosquito ringtone for preview.

Lets have some feedback from both the youngsters and the older people. Can you hear? What does it sound like? Comments pls!

Frustration

2006-06-10T18:06:00.000+08:00

Procrastination bug hits again. Sometimes, the harder I try, the harder it strikes back.

***

I can't find the stack of CDs that I copied the first season of LOST into. Promised Bucket I'd burn them to DVD for her, but thanks to my last-minuteness, I waited till a few hours before I was supposed to meet her, only to find out I don't have the bloody disks. Damned.

***

Last week, I was struck by a few things. First, an uncle of mine mentioned rather cheekily to me:

"SO. I hear you've been staying out late at night, coming back only in the mornings, huh? Havoc ah.. Go where? Ministry of Sound ah?"

Then, an aunt was making up stories about me to another friendly relative:

"Oh, this boy ah. So good with money. Ang pow money never touch, all keep in his drawer and lock up. Never touch!"

Now I just smiled amiably and tried to brush it off at the time, but I guess it is my nature to stew over all these things until they start to seethe and bubble and overflow.

I mean, for one thing... FINE. I came back late. FINE, my dad saw me come back. I won't hide it from him. But is it really his business to BRAG about this to OTHER relatives? And when I say BRAG, I refer to that hypocritical Chinese Confucian 'value' of false modesty, which makes the older generation of Chinese take perverse pleasure in putting down themselves, their children, their success in front of others. It's almost like some kind of one-upmanship, this fake modesty thing. Sure, its one thing to tell people modestly "Oh, no lah... my new car/house/condo/country club membership.... lousy one lah.. bought very cheap, only $150,000 only, good deal!", but come on, its not right to praise other people's children (to ridiculously false levels), while at the same time saying condeming their own. "No lah, my son/daughter, very stupid one lah. Useless. Everytime play computer games at home, dunno how to help out with housework" or "No lah... lousy one lah, him, take part in competition no killer instinct. so slack" or, as in my case "He ah! Everytime take the car out, dunno go where and havoc. Come back only in the morning"

THIS PRACTICE IS STUPID. IT ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. DON'T PRACTICE FAKE MODESTY. DON'T EMBELLISH TALES. RESPECT YOUR CHILDREN'S PRIVACY. DON'T BE SO EAGER TO SHARE THEIR PRIVATE AFFAIRS TO OTHERS JUST TO EARN YOURSELF FAKE-MODESTY POINTS. STICK TO THE FACTS, AND IF THERE IS NOTHING GOOD TO SAY, SOMETIMES ITS BETTER TO KEEP SILENT.

I guess this is one reason I've been shutting my parents out from my life. They don't know how to respect my trust in them. and if I can't have that respect and assurance, I can't trust them.

Going back to the ang pow story. To be honest, I'm shocked. Because, yes, it is true. I keep unopened ang pows from this year's CNY in my locked drawer. I just dumped them all there one night and never got around to taking out the money, because I was never that desperate for ready cash.

The problem is, IT'S IN MY LOCKED DRAWER. Not even my mum has access to it. The fact that my aunt was talking about it suggests either 1) She was making up a wild story that hit close to the truth, or 2) Someone in my family has been peeking in my drawer AND happened to tell my aunt. Either scenario is equally shitty, ok?

What other private information about me has already been passed down without my permission? Is it any wonder that I, and so many of my generation, cannot talk to their parents?

The clueless investor is boggled.

2006-06-06T10:24:00.000+08:00

Just took a look at UOB bank's Foreign currency Fixed Deposit accounts. On first glance, it seems pretty attractive: My eyes skimmed through the table of interest rates and settled down on the one with the highest. New Zealand Dollars: 6.59% p.a interest for a 12 month tenure, with a minimum of NZD$5000 deposit.

Whoa! I could do that, I thought.

But wait! Further checking and calculations show this: Current money changing rate (06/06/06) provided by UOB is:

Selling: 1.0280
Buying: 0.9610

i.e: If I put in a NZD$5000 deposit now, I have to cough up 5000x1.0280= SGD$5140 as principle

in 12 months, I would have earned NZD$5000*1.0659 = NZD$5329.50

Assuming that there is NO change in currency exchange rate over the 12 months, when I convert to SGD I would have 5329.50*0.9610= SGD$5121.65

WTH?? 6.59% interest eaten up by the difference in exchange rate? I need the bank to buy back NZD at the rate of 5140/539.50 = 0.964 to even break even!

Wah.. boh hoh tan leh....

So I took another look at the other currencies offered and made a table of the current buy/sell rates and their percentage difference. By subtracting % exchange difference {[(buy-sell)/buy]*100 } from the the FD interest rate, I -think- I have a figure that gives me an estimate of which FDs will give a positive return, IF exchange rate doesn't change in a year.

From the 6 currencies sampled, AUD, CAD, GBP, Eur, USD, NZD,

NZD has a -0.382% returns, which translates to SGD$5140*(-0.00382) = -SGD$19.63
similar to my $5140 principle -$5121.65end of year balance=SGD$18.35 loss {rounding error??}

According to my calculations CAD has a whopping -2.48% returns:

buy: CAD$5000*1.465{buying rate}= SGD$7325 {principle}

interest:CAD$5000* 6 month interest = 5000* 1.0345=CAD$5152.50

sellback: CAD5152.50*{sellrate} = 5152.50*1.383 = 7125.9 balance

%loss = (7325-7125.9/7325)*100 = 2.72% loss, or -2.72% gain ((rounding errors again?))

***

Hmm... ok... so my calculations are more or less validated. In other words, if they are correct, the foreign currency with the highest positive interest-(exchange rate difference) would net the best returns.

USD$ gets the best score out of 6 with a +4.324%.

calculating:

Principle: USD$5000= 5000*1.559=SGD$7795
Interest: USD$5000*1.0471= $5235.50
Sellback: USD$5000*1.553= SGD8130.73
% return = (8130.73-7795/7795)*100=+4.307%

***

Wah! So, best to invest in USD right?? No leh... according to Yahoo currency forecast, USD has been plunging down for the past 5 years. Very likely that USD will fall even more with the next yr. So, % return will probably be less than 4.3% anyway.

How come the % buy-sell difference for NZD is so large compared to others? 7% difference leh! How they arrive at this amount? Will it change drastically? I mean, the other currency's buy-sell difference range from 0.3%(USD) to 7%(NZD). will it change according to the currency fluctuation, or will that difference always be fixed no matter how high the currency rises or falls?

Ahh stress stress. why didn't I take econs in JC? Why didn't I take some business/finance electives in Uni?

***

Conclusions:

1)Don't quit my day job

2)Stop dreaming and get back to work

3)Find a bank that gives better rates!

Out and about

2006-06-05T10:27:00.000+08:00

Last seen at a Nasi Padang stall in a school on top of a ridge:

LOOK TODAY SPECIAL:

NOTHING

***

A little bit like how I feel, really.

n.b. STILL doesn't constitute a return from my hiatus.

Hiatus

2006-05-29T12:38:00.000+08:00

I hate knowing that people have preconceived notions about me. Sometimes I feel like doing something crazy JUST to smash those precious ideas they hold about me. I dunno. Like getting a tattoo, or quitting grad school to be a tour guide in Africa. Or even more drastically, consume a plate of beansprouts and kailan in front of everyone. So I can thumb my nose at everyone and laugh "Ha! You though you knew me right? WRONG!"

But I'm just a regular guy (mostly) with regular hopes, dreams, expectations and aspirations. Nice comfortable lifestyle, good job, good income, car, condo, family, children, retirement plan... Which is what most people EXPECT. Sometimes I feel disenfranchised. As if they've claimed ownership of everything I've ever worked for. Every success I make validates their expections instead of mine. Therein lies the conumdrum. They are MY expectations too. I think. Only the anticipated sweet taste of success is diluted, knowing that I'm probably sating someone else's thirsts with my own cup as well. Am I working for them?

It's all in the head. It's all in the head. Maybe I'm just selfish. I don't want to share my success. I want to savour it all alone, and use it to prove everyone wrong. Not prove everyone right.

Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic about being moody and angsty and paranoid again.

***
Whatever. I should shut up. Maybe its time for me to stop blogging for a while until the hidden eyes start looking elsewhere again.

Can't do anything about the hidden mouths I guess. So go ahead. Talk. Let everyone know how proud you are I've met expectations. Share all the preconceived notions you have of me. You're probably right anyway.

***
Still. I hope some other mini-controversy pops up to and diverts the attention of the hidden minds. :-p

***

Bye Bye for now.

***

It helps that the thought of suspending my blogging activities might actually clear up some free time to start concentrating on other things in life. Like work. Not that I've been blogging much anyway. I clearly don't have the time or willingness to keep things updated much anymore.

***

I'm still finding it hard to break off though. As you can see from all these additions.

***

Maybe I'll come back and blog a bit, once in a while. Just don't EXPECT me to. :-p

***

Big Walk 2006, good deed for the day, and Emu's B'day party

2006-05-22T12:27:00.000+08:00

Big Walk, 21st May 2006

**Disclaimer: The owner of this blog is not in any way affliated with any group or organisation, and does not endorse any propaganda, religious or otherwise, which may be depicted within this picture.

***

Quick and dirty recap:

We walk long long. Nothing very special. Falungong contingent most eye-catching. They march in step with drummers in uniform, and with flower girls wearing period chinese costumes (I'm amazed they can last that long in such uncomfortable get-up and those flimsy chinese shoes) Someone carries a portable stereo player and plays traditional chinese music as they march along. All they need is more flowers, some cymbal players and a hearse and it would really seem like a funeral procession. There were so many official photographers taking pictures of the occasion. Dressed in yellow polo-Ts and with a pass hanging off their necks on a lanyard, they seemed more intent of capturing pics of hot babes in sexy sports attire, people in funny costumes, and dogs. Yep. All of them seem to want to take pictures of dogs. No one appeared interested in taking pics of some plainly dressed Thai guy with PRC girl. Lucky.

We didn't win any prizes. Not even after doing our good deed of the day. Was driving off from Eunos MRT where I parked my car when someone flagged me down. Some volunteer from a Buddhist carnival event nearby was assisting an 80 yr old lady, and asked if we could send her to a nearby temple at Jln Maricam. How could I say no? The old lady was spirited and chatty, and turned out to speak good mandarin. She was a chinese teacher at a primary school for many years before she retired. She was inquisitive as to how Forest and I were related, and asked if we were getting married soon. She showed fantastic eyesight to spot the street we had to turn to, even before I could see it.

Evening: Emu's B'day party. Everything was set up nicely for this stressed out friend of ours. 9 of us got together at ECP to set up a bbq. We bought a cake and satay, and I volunteered to go pick her up after she was done working. I thought GZ showed a nice touch by lighting the candles of the cake and had everyone sing the birthday song as Emu approached the pavilion where we had set up shop. Emu was so touched she cried. I think its wonderful on our side to be able to touch a person so much with just simple gestures. The rest of us cooked the food while I was fetching her. Yay. No need to cook! Just eat! Kena a lot of teasing from everyone. I'm really 'shocked' by the advanced levels of their suggestions on what a guy and a girl can do together. Especially those requiring the use of an NTUC trolley. tsk tsk tsk.

Played games to figure out who gets to eat up the rest of the food. And then we parted. At 10.30pm. Everyone needs to work on Monday. Pity. The sparklers still remain unlit.

Over a stormy sky

2006-05-20T13:41:00.000+08:00

As of this moment, I am having a very, very, very strong craving for Har Gow. :-(

knowing

2006-05-17T16:03:00.000+08:00

I know, you know. I know that you know, now you know that I know that you know.

so there's nothing more that needs to be said right?

Bangkok in My Mind: Day 5 and departure

2006-05-14T18:20:00.000+08:00

We were supposed to have a free and easy morning to do shopping, according to our itinerary. Of course, we threw that out the window a long time ago. So instead, we slept in until 11am, packed up and checked out at 12pm. Since it was the last day, we decided to splurge a little on a seafood buffet. Problem was, neither of us knew of a good one!

We surfed the net a little and narrowed it down to Baiyoke Sky's international lunch buffet, or Lord Jim's at The Oriental. The receptionist, whom I think by now was resigned to our daily pesterings, suggested some place over at sukhumvit, but apparantly they only had seafood dinner buffets. We also asked the resident taxi/tout, but backed out quickly after he became insistent on bringing us to a place he couldn't put a name or location to.

I was actually quite interested in Lord Jim's since I always had this idea of spending some time lounging in the luxurious riverside terrace of the Oriental. But when we called, they told us that the lunch buffet was 1200B. Whoa.. over S$40!! The Baiyoke sky buffet was 780B thereabouts, and included entry to the viewing gallery at the 76th and 84th floor, so we took that up instead.

The buffet was disappointing, actually. There weren't much seafood, except for normal prawns and flower crab, and sotong. I was expecting mussels and oysters.. maybe even some lobster! It was definitely an International style buffet, so there wasn't much local Thai cuisine either. Other than that, the variety was pretty all right but the restaurant was packed with hotel guests, who get 50% off the restaurant bill. Sometimes I had to jostle with the crowd to get what I want, or hang around for a few minutes for them to replenish the food. Still, the window seat we had gave us a nice view of the Bangkok cityscape.

We spent another hour or so strolling around the viewing gallery, pointing out the places we've been like MBK and Siam Square, and trying to spot our little guesthouse at Khaosan. Interestingly, Forest chose that day to wear her red and blue striped shirt. A perfect match with the Thai flag!

She supports Thailand!

We took pics of some Thai guy with some China girl.

***

Tried to take a bus from behind Indra square to the airport, but there was none to be seen even after 30 minutes of waiting. Finally at 4.30pm we hailed a cab to take us to the airport, and surprisingly it was even cheaper than the purported airport bus fare! We checked in with minumum fuss, paid up 500B for the airport tax, and were flying off by 6.40pm. The plane left on time, for a change!

So ends the tale of the Bangkok trip. Though we didn't buy a single thing there, we did bring back a great store of happy memories.

***

Estimated expenses ~ S$450 for 4D/4N, airfare+taxes +accomodation all included

Bangkok State of Mind: Day 4

2006-05-14T16:18:00.001+08:00

We bugged the receptionist again on how to get to Safari World, which we had earmarked for visiting despite not having located it in our guidebooks. I guess we assumed it was somewhere nearby in Bangkok. She told us that it Minburi district (huh? where?), probably an hour's ride or more by bus. We decided to take a cab to save time, since I didn't want to mess around trying to figure out bus routes and transfers. The taxi driver kept pestering us to go to the floating market and Rose Garden, which he said he would take us to. "Safari World no good! Rose garden, many tourist go. Safari World, no tourist go!"

On hindsight, perhaps he had a point. Safari world was horrible, really. No more than an ugly, sun-beaten patch of bare land and man-made waterhole, where wild animals like zebra, wildebeests, lions and tigers and birds cower beneath sheltered pavilions to escape the sweltering afternoon heat. Cisitors may opt to drive their cars in, or take a coach on a 30 minute tour around the area. We paid 780B for tickets to SafariWorld and the neighbouring Marine Park, and then hopped on the coach to bring us to see the wild beasts.

We saw all manner of creatures in their natural behaviours, such as:

2 lions hugging each other to sleep

Birds flocking after a ranger jeep throwing food out

Giraffes kissing the coach windows

Yak-like animals standing around doing nothing

Peacocks trying to one-up the colourful looking tourists

Ostrich, doing nothing

And a tiger sleeping in the drinking trough, laying a friendly paw on his buddy, the lion.

The bus driver gave a running commentary of the various animals in Thai, interspersed occasionly with a grand proclamation of " Tiger!!!", or "Lion!!!". He also had a very odd laugh, kinda like a sleazy sounding "Heh Heh Heh Heh Heh", while he poked fun at the various sleeping positions of the animals.

The ride was over in 45 mins... 15 of which were spent stuck in 'traffic' as some inconsiderate blokes blocked the road with their cars while snapping pictures of the tigers. The only thing I miss about Safari World was the air conditioning in the coach.

Maybe it was the accumulated lack of sleep over the past few nights, together with the dizzying afternoon heat. We were both walking around in kind of a daze. Nonetheless, Forest insisted on watching every single show being performed at the Marine Park. Thus we stoicly hiked down and crisscrossed the entire length and breadth of the grounds just to catch one show after another. Dolphin show, Polar bear feeding, Spy wars, Cowboy stunt show, Seal performances and lastly the bird show. Most of the shows were in Thai, and involved a lot of splashing water at the audience. I don't know how good the shows are, but since this is the first marine park show I've been to, I guess they were pretty all right. The dolphins, seals and birds did some impressive tricks, while the Spy Wars and Cowboy stuntshow had some great human acrobatics and pyrotechnics too. Unfortunately, my battery chose this time to fizzle out, and inexplicably, my spare was low on juice too, so I don't have many photos to share.

Dolphin breakdances with trainer

Dolphin kissing

Dolphin jumping

Polar Bear feeding

Stuntshow and explosions

Forest and I in the cool environs of the airconned souvenier shop, playing around with hats.

***
I think we were exhausted by the end of the last show, and I even contemplated going back to our guesthouse for a little rest. But Forest was adamant to squeeze out every last minute of the day sightseeing, so we took a cab over to Silom. Walking down the shopping district there, we passed by a Japanese Sushi and Shabu Shabu (steamboat style) buffet restaurant called Shabushi. The first thing that grabbed my attention was the word "BUFFET", followed by 233B nett. That works out to be around S$9, surely worth the price any way you look at it! Besides, Forest and I ate only mangos for breakfast (again), and then snacked on siew mai, sausages and ice kachang over at Marine Park. We hadn't had a proper meal all day yet and were feeling ravenous!

Immediately after getting a seat, we attacked the sushi and makis and meats. Forest gorged on more than 10 plates of clams, while I attacked a near equal amount of fried shishamo. The waitress was well spoken in English, and told us how to operate the steamboat, obtain our drinks, as well as where to get those extra side-dishes and ice cream (We didn't have any space left for that though). We had 1hr and 15 minutes to eat and leave, beyond which they would start charging after every extra minute.

So, 1hr and 10 minutes after stepping into Shabushi, we stumbled out into the street again, bloated, but somewhat refreshed. We took a stroll down Patpong soi 1 and 2, which was totally different from what I expected. Knowing that it was a red light district, I expected a lot of dirty streets, sleazy looking loiterers and sexy babes strutting around. However, the 'street' were more like wide throughfares, with well-maintained clubs, bars and pubs lining both sides, interspersed with moneychangers, Watsons, and 7-11s. In the centre of the road (which was closed to traffic), rows and rows of pushcart stalls operate, night-market style, selling more of the usual.

The only difference, of course, were the touts approaching me, asking if I wanted to see 'Thai ger sex shows' upstairs. They flashed me phamplets highlighting the performances, kinda like our own restaurant touts at Boat quay, though strangely, none of them had pictures of the supposed girls in action, or prices printed on the paper. Forest seemed kind of eager to go take a look, but I wasn't in the mood, really. Was feeling a little tired after all we had done the whole day, and we were on our 2nd last day there and were running out of Baht, though I could easily have gone to the moneychanger to get more. Then there was also the safety issue, since it was just the 2 of us and we could get conned or intimidated into losing our money. And then, of course, there was the matter of 'appropriateness'. :-p

I was more than ready to call it quits and go back, but Forest wasn't done yet, so we took another LONG walk to Suan Lam Night market. Disappointing lah... everything there was overpriced and lacked the liveliness of the other markets we visited. Typical of government intervention. They tried to stuff all the vendors into proper little shops, lined in neat little rows and sections. Killed the spirit totally. We wandered around, disappointed, and finally took a taxi back. 70B. Almost equivalent to a tuk tuk price, for that distance. Made me wonder if even at 50B, they were still fleecing us.

***

Forest's version of the day's events

Bangkok State of Mind: Day 3

2006-05-10T22:09:00.000+08:00

Woke up late again, and took our time slowly crawling out of bed and getting ready. We had 60b in food vouchers by now, so we decided to echange them for an 'American breakfast' at the guesthouse's cafe. Took advantage of the cheap 1B/min internet rates for the computer terminals nearby and checked our mail and blogs. No one seemed to miss us too much. Then, we asked the receptionist how to get to Chatuchak weekend market. She directed us to a nearby busstop with instructions to catch bus 3. Everything seemed perfect. Not 5 minutes after we got there did our bus arrived. Hopped on, paid the tickets to the ticketing lady, and leaned back into the comfy seats. What a wonderful day. Nice comfy bus... Forest falling asleep beside me... good time to take a picture of her... eh.. where's my cam? is it in my pouch? No? Pocket?... hmm.... no leh... where could it.... FUCK! It's back at computer terminal where I left it!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! My brand new $500 cam!

We hopped off the bus immediately,

to the bemusement of the ticketing lady, I'm sure. Luckily I remembered to grab Happy House's namecard before setting off. We found a payphone and called them up to take a look for us. After a few nail biting minutes, the recep told us she found it! Heng ahh! We took a tuk tuk back there, retrieved the camera with profuse thanks to the receptionist, and waited for the bus again. This time, over 30 minutes passed before another one came along, and in the meantime, we were entertained by 2 drivers who stopped right in front of us after being involved in a minor accident. They got out and started arguing heatedly in Thai, in front of a traffic cop who strolled down to see what was going on. Finally, the one at fault pulled out his wallet and whipped out about 1000B in notes to the other party before driving off.

***

Chatuchak Weekend Market: Maybe it should be named Chockablock instead

After a long and sleepy bus ride we finally reached Chatuchak Weekend Market. The place is huge!! Its a large, circular compound with two rings of shops, one inner and one outside, and an open-air throughfare in between them. Supposedly they are divided into sections, but everywhere we went it seemed to be the same mix of shoes and bags and clothes, interspersed with jewellery and trinket shops. Occasionally, you'd see plant/flower shops or shops selling wooden carvings. Food stands sprout everywhere there's a space to, and we delighted ourselves in trying out the interesting stuff, like orange juice from those small, greeny oranges, Red Bull Freeze, coconut ice cream with sticky rice and atap chee toppings, more barbecued sotong and fruits. Other than that, mainly we just walked around and soaked in the sights, since neither of us are shoppers. At one end, we even saw a few hawkers selling fried insects! They had a variety of grasshoppers, beetles, larvae and even lizards, all deep-fried and slathered with some kind of black sauce. We were almost tempted, but chickened out in the end, hehe.

Red Bull Extra Freeze!

Fear Factor BKK: Barbequed cat intestines....

I guess the best part of Chatuchak was walking through the livestock section, where they sold all manner of pets like dogs, birds, fish and reptiles. Although conditions are definitely less than sanitary, and the animals probably weren't vaccinated or anything, they were just so tempting to touch. The puppies so adorable!

How much is that doggie in the tray...

... The one with the waggly tail!

Cute puppy. But with a face only a mother could love

Fuzzy wabbits!

Tortoises for sale? Are they endangered?

I ain't got no stinkin' bird flu!

Baby carrot.... err. parrot

At one point we kinda got ourselves lost, and were just wandering aimlessly along the streets. That was when we stumbled upon a cock-fight in progress. Apparantly this form of sport is popular with the locals, to judge the number of people watching the contest keenly. The cocks were all huge and muscular looking, with sharp beaks and talons. I don't know how they judged which one won, but after a while they stopped the fight and the owner grabbed their chicken and took them off into the sidestreet. We followed, and later saw the owner with the cock between his legs. Eh.. wait, that don't sound too nice, hahaha! I mean, with the rooster between his legs, holding it in place while he stuck a straw through its beak force-fed it some liquid concoction. Probably some 'miracle potion' to boost its fighting ability. We continued down the street, which was stacked on both sides with coops, each of which contained a fighting cock. We were just marvelling at the sight, until the thought 'Bird flu' popped into my head. I mentioned it to Forest, her face changed, and in silent agreement we quickstepped our way out of the place.

Cocks rising in the air

More cocks fighting

Spent 30 minutes re-walking the Chatuchak area before we found the right BTS station to take us back into Bangkok. We paid 30B to get us to the stop right outside Asia hotel, where we planned to watch the transvestite show at the Calypso Cabaret. 1000B per person! I was taken aback by the price. Maybe because I was still in budget mode of thinking and this was our first expensive payment. Even the entry tix to the Grand Palace were half the price only!

Since we had 2 hrs to kill before the show, we decided to take a walk to the Baiyoke sky hotel to use their toilets. Passed through a sidestreet where we saw street hawkers barbecuing a stick of huge prawns. Tempted, but we didn't buy. Instead we shared one of those shaved thai coconuts, which was deliciously sweet. Too bad though, they didn't give us a spoon to scoop the flesh.

Sidestreet leading to Baiyoke Sky Hotel

For a 5-star hotel (is it 5 star?), they sure had shoddy toilets. I decided not to linger in the gents, and went out to sit at a lounge while Forest did goodness knows what in there for 15 mins. There was a TV in the lounge, and coincidentally, they were showing the Chelsea-Man U match!!! If Chelsea win this one, they'd be crowned champions and presented with the trophy in front of their fans at Stamford Bridge! Chelsea were already 1-0 up in the middle of the first half, and since Forest was tired out, she slept on the couch while I watched till half-time. We left before the 2nd half, regretfully, since Forest had already woken up and was itching to walk around. I'd later find out that Chelsea won 3-0 in that match, with Joe Cole and Carvelho adding 2 more goals to rub Man U in the nose!! And I missed it! Sigh. The things I do for her.

***

We stopped by an eatery called S&P bakery and restaurant, which Forest said was reccomended by her colleague for its Thai iced tea. The concoction was sweet, and brick-red in colour, kinda like Ovaltine. Apparantly they add vanilla and other spices into the tea to give it its distinctive taste. I ordered green curry beef, while Forest tried some kind of seafood vermicilli. The beef was pretty tough... but it seems to be the case in Bangkok whenever I've tried a beef dish.

Thai iced tea

We returned to Asia hotel again and hung out at the lobby, which seems to be quite filled with Singaporeans. You could hear the familiar accents and the lahs and lors everywhere you turned.
The Calypso Caberet show itself was held in a cozy lounge with drink tables and seats clustered around each. They offered a free drink, so out of the list of soft drinks, beer, wine and coffee/tea, naturally we picked whisky on the rocks. Tasted diluted, but their stirrer was quite nice! To make up for the lousy drink we decided to keep it!

As for the show itself, it was... ok. Mainly a dancing and lip-synching show where the 'girls' parade around in an array of skin-tight clothing or gorgeous evening gowns, all designed to flaunt their beauty and sexiness and lack of a visible bump in the crotch area. There were kids in the show, so I was surprised at the brief scene where they bared their silicone-enhanced orbs to the audience. But otherwise, the show was pretty tastefully done. After the show you could take photos with the 'girls'. But there was a lot of pushing and shoving going on, mostly by middle-aged aunties jostling for a better photo opportunity. It was implicit that if you took a photo with them(the girls, not the aunties), you should give them a tip. From the number of 100b notes they had clutched in their fists as the smiled and draped themselves on the people taking photos, I'd say they should earn quite a decent living.

She's gorgeous isn't he?

Kawaii ne?

Bad boys have lots of fun too

***

Caught another Tuk Tuk back to Happy House. The English-speaking ones loitering at Asia Hotel tried to fleece us by quoting 200B and negotiating down to 150B. Luckily we'd already paid 50B for a similar trip yesterday, so we were not conned. We walked away from them and out into the street, where in no time at all we negotiated another 50B fare with another honest tuk tuk driver to take us back.

Happy House, oh how apt the name is. Can't wait to get back there. :-)

***

For a less lengthy account of Day 3, you can read Forest's account here.

Bangkok state of mind: Day 2

2006-05-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

Soi Chanasongkhram, outside of Happy House

We woke late, the result of sleeping at an unearthly hour at 4am earlier. Renewed our room for another day, and received another 20B food voucher at their cafe. However it was nearly 12 and they'd stopped serving breakfast. We decided to eat along the way as we made our way towards the Grand Palace.

Stepping out into the soi the first thing that caught my eyes were the pushcarts laden with a variety of brightly coloured fruits, all cut up and encased within an ice-filled acrylic container. Remembering what my aunt said about how delicious the mangos were, we did not hesitate and bought a large mango for 10B, which the lady sliced up and packed for us. It tasted fantasticly sweet! Forest enjoyed it so much she had mango juice all over her mouth :-p.

We walked down Soi Rambutri down to Phra Athit road on our way towards the Grand Palace, and passed by Welcome Sawasdee inn, which was the original place we wanted to stay in. On a whim, we went in to check out the rooms on the pretext we wanted a place to stay. What can I say? I'm glad we didn't stay in that dump.

So mouldy! everything was rundown and frayed at the edges. Ok lah. it was cheap and probably i wouldn't mind it if I hadn't seen Happy House first. But Happy House is just so much better in comparison.

Crossed several busy roads where no one seems to give way despite the zebra crossings clearly drawn. The first few were nervy experiences, but after a while we got used to it. Best way to cross a street, we found, is to follow a local. If they cross, just keep up with them and you'll be safe.

The mango having whetted our appetites, we stopped by another fruit cart and bought more fruits: Watermelons and pineapple. Delicious once again! No wonder Thais look so healthy. Their fruits are so delicious they probably eat them every morning! Some Thai guy holding on to our fruits for us

We were so confident of the health properties of the fruits,we ate them by the busy roadside even as tuk tuks, trucks and taxis roared past us, spewing soot in their wake. It was STILL good!

It was getting hot, and I was cursing my forgetfulness at not bringing my cap along. Later kena skin cancer how? The temperature was in its high 30s, and I was sweating profusely by the time we reached the Grand Palace. The only thing that made it more bearable was the brisk wind that blew across the large open spaces. We did the obligatory tour around Wat Phra Kaeo, or the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, but realised early on that the ornate buildings, statues and murals didn't really interest us all that much. Quickstepped through all the buildings and halls, took a few pics, bought some cold drinks from the snack shop and were out in an hour. We didn't even visit the coin museum even though the tickets we bought included entry to it.

View of Wat Phra Kaeo - Admittedly, it is rather beautiful

Little monks! They were seen snapping photos using sophisticated handphones and digital cameras

Forest staring at the murals

The little Emerald Buddha sits atop a pedastal in the main prayer hall

i pity the guard who has to stand there in the hot sun... it must be around 39 degrees at noon!

our original plan was to walk to Chinatown and take in the sights there, and to have lunch at this goose restaurant Ivanny's mum reccomended. Near Chinatown somewhere, she said. So happily we walked to the riverside, intending to take a ferry. Unfortunately, the river routes were closed that day for some performance drill. Nevermind! Walk lor! We were still fresh. There was also lots to see. Bangkok seems like one big market sometimes. You see people setting up food carts every few meters down the road, grilling, frying or boiling something on a stick. Sausages, sotong(calamari), siew mai and battered fritters of unknown content seem to be the most common. Still, we held out and refrained from trying them out, largely because there were a lot of flies around their foodstuffs. Our resistance crashed only when we passed this guy selling an entire sotong on a stick, freshly grilled over a charcoal fire. Haha... I was so eager to try it that I didn't even think to bargain with the hawker. I paid 40b for a stick, which he grilled till it was lightly browned and fragrant, and then tossed into a watery chilli sauce tasting strongly of lemongrass and basil. I actually thought 40b was expensive, but later experiences with other hawkers showed that we actually got a good deal the first time. Others were quoting ridiculous prices up to 100b-150b for something similar. The more honest ones quoted 50b-70b.

Along the way we also passed some sad looking street vendors selling equally sad-looking stuff. Badly made T-shirts, electrical adaptors and powercords to who knows what devices, old coins and even older wooden boxes, tattered looking books... one even had an array of assorted circuit boards and used sound cards neatly lined up on a mat. What are the chances someone would pass by and go "Ahh, how lucky! This guy is selling the yamaha 16bit soundcard that I've been looking for for my pc!" It'd literally take a huge dose of serendipity to have a potential buyer stumble upon the seller!

***
Chinatown: We kinda stumbled into Chinatown really, having no idea where it was beyond a vague district marking on a lousy map. Somehow, we found ourselves in a very, very, very long street. Or rather, a series of streets continuing where each one left off. On both sides, shops hawked their wares while pushcarts parked along the path. The entire street was packed shoulder-to-shoulder with people. There were shops selling clothes, shoes, soft toys, accessories, dried cuttlefish, fruits, ice cream.... everything mish-mashed together in a chaotic cacophony of sights and sounds. It was 3pm, and we hadn't had lunch yet! Where was the goose restaurant? Finally, we stopped to check our map and someone stopped to help us. Then he kindly told us that that goose restaurant wasn't in Chinatown at all! It was in the neighbouring district! Another 30 minutes walk at least. Never mind! Walk some more lor...

The elusive Goose restaurant

Finally we found it at 5pm after getting to the area and circling the side roads at least 3 times. Found a coffee-shop looking place run by a stylish looking tai-tai. With a mixture of finger-pointing, snatches of my horrible teochew and the help of a chinese printed menu, we managed to order some of that touted goose meat, foie gras, goose blood, tofu and oyster omelette.

Us:*points to menu* Gor! Gor! Gor bah! Nor gai nang jiak!(Goose! Goose! Goose meat! Two people eating!)

*Tai tai boss nods and points to some chinese words beside the one saying goose* Heh! Heh! @#$^^^@#@#!#!$$%& (some cheem sounding teochew) We figured she was referring to the liver and other body parts.

Us: *nod nod nod* Orh! Orh! *points to oyster omelette* Hai you, err... Png! *holds up fingers showing two*

*Tai tai boss nods more and tries her little bit of Chinese* Fan! Fan!

It wasn't cheap leh. 400B for dinner But the goose was good, so was the goose liver. Omelette looked wet and slimy. Still, we were hungry and ate up almost all of the food.

Goose meat! Foie Gras! Blood!

Durian Sticky Rice with coconut milk! Yummy

Then, we walked some more to nearby MBK centre, explored their extensive clothing and electronics floors, ate some durian sticky rice dessert, and and watched Ice Age 2 in their cinema for around 150B. It was an interesting experience to stand up while the National Anthem was being played as they flashed some footage of the King, among a backdrop of lush foliage, fields and plantations. Very soothing music too. Watched a few trailers of their other Thai shows, and found it hilarious that they all seemed to have some good-natured fun with the gay and transvestite culture. Sissyboys and drag queens were all involved in slapstick comedy, the most funny of which involved a changing room scene where the characters all gasped in unison as an unlucky guy dropped his bar of soap on the floor with the gay character standing nearby.

Tuk Tuk zips down the road and weaves recklessly through traffic.

Took a tuk tuk back to our guesthouse at around 11.30pm. Determined not to be fleeced by greedy drivers, we stopped several of them and offered them what I thought was a ridiculously low rate, just to see where the consensus was after we bargained them down to the minimum they were willing to go. Most quoted 100B-150B, while I obstinately maintained my price at 40B. Surprisingly, the 4th one (i think), offered 50B, which was good enough for us. The downside though, was that mentioning Soi chanasongkhram only made the tuk tuk drop us at the Chanasonkhram police station instead of the soi, which was a 5 min walk from our guesthouse. Finally slept at 2am plus after washing up and getting ready for bed, totally tired out from the long, long walk.

Forest, as usual, has a different intepretation of Day 2. Its interesting to know how we both can see the experience the same things but remember different things. :-)

Bangkok State of Mind: Day 1

2006-05-04T02:43:00.000+08:00

Bangkok. City of canals , gnarling traffic, shopping bazaars and exotic adult entertainment. I'd been looking forward to it since the idea popped up a month ago in idle conversation between Forest and I. It would be the first time in 3 years I've gone for a proper vacation (i.e. flying off in a plane and staying in proper rooms), since my last Europe trip before graduation. Company, obviously, is much better than the last time too.

Our Thai Airasia departure flight was delayed for an hour, which gave us a little worry, as the Sawasdee Smile Inn guesthouse I corresponded with through email told us that they would hold the rooms for us only until midnight. We were scheduled to arrive at 2335 Bangkok time, and with the delay that would mean a new arrival time of 0035. Thoughts of us sleeping in the airport flashed through my mind. :-S

The plane seats itself were so-so, and leg space was miserable. We also neglected to bring any food into the plane, as I thought no outside food was allowed. Obviously I was wrong as passengers around me started whipping out their potato chips and other snacks. The inflight menu was miserable looking and horribly overpriced. Nvm. Once we reach Bangkok we'll go have supper.

As expected, we arrived past midnight, so instead of rushing down to Welcome Sawasdee Inn at Khaosan road and hoping for a room, we decided to call them up first. Luckily I'd already prepared the address and contact info, together with 5-6 other alternate lodgings around the area. We exchanged some coins from the helpful tourist bureau nearby and fiddled around with the phone for a while before getting through. We were out of luck. They had let out our rooms, and was trying to push us to get a triple w/ac w/pte bathroom for 560B instead of our agreed 380B for a double. As an alternative, we could also get a twin with 'habed bubroom'. By the time I understood what the receptionist was trying to say, the 3 mins/Baht call limit was up, and the phone cut us off midspeech. Whoops! They must think me so very rude! Haha. but we decided not to call back. No point, right? Instead we proceeded to call up Lamphu house, which was fully booked, and New Siam guesthouse, where there was a room available. Happily, we proceeded to take a cab to Khaosan road. Communication between us and the taxi counter consisted of both sides repeating ourselves until some kind of inexplicable breakthrough seems to have occured. The counter lady wrote some gibberish on a paper and told a cab driver to take us to UCL. Huh??? Where?? Only much later did it dawn upon me that she was actually saying 'Neew See Arm'.

We paid around 300 B for the taxi trip and an introductory lesson in basic Thai conducted by the taxi driver. By the time we arrived at New Siam, We had learned, if only for a few moments, how to say 'Elephant', 'Crocodile', 'turn left/right', 'stop' and 'go straight'.

We thought we could settle in for the night quickly, but one look at the rooms in New Siam made us change our minds. We tumbled out into soi chanasongkhram and decided to walk down the street to check out the other guesthouses. Wild Orchid Villa was pretty ok, with nice wood panelling and a nice lobby, but I saw some cigarette ash by the bedside which ruined my impression of it. We walked down next door to Happy House, where we were greeted quite enthusiastically by Kim, a friendly guy with a giggly, high pitched voice. Despite my doubts about his gender orientation, he bowled us over with his friendliness, and we decided to take a look at the twin room they had. Wahhh. Big difference. Happy House is one of the newer guesthouses in the area, and it clearly shows. The walls haven't yet had the time to peel and become mouldy, nor had the bathroom. There was a nice wood panelling with warm lighting, the floor and bed were clean, air con was cold enough, and there was a hot shower too. All that for 495B, and they throw in a 20B meal rebate every day! We took up the room on the spot, settled in, and were ready to hit the road (at 2am, no less) to hunt for supper.

Our first act of exploring Bangkok was to get ourselves totally lost. Making a wrong turn outside Happy House, we walked for 15 minutes through dusty roads, across a canal and through dingy backstreets in search of Khaosan rd, only to realise then that we we'd walked in the opposite direction. We spent another 15 minutes backtracking before finally getting to the right place..... Only to discover that instead of the friendly, bustling backpacker paradise Khaosan was touted to be, it was more of a dirty little street strewn with alcohol bottles and discarded food, and lined on both sides by equally dirty pubs and food outlets. The breed of foreigners mostly found there were mostly dirty, grimy, dreadlocked and covered with tattoos. They amble about the street in drunken stupor, beer bottle in hand, laughing and carousing loudly, or sit along the side of the street smoking (drugs maybe?) and singing with the locals. Not our kind of crowd at all. On hindsight, I'm glad we didn't choose to stay on Khaosan rd after all, but at the much more peaceful soi Chanasongkhram. Even Lamphu house on Soi Rambutri had a big bunch of drunken and maybe drug-addled farangs sitting on mats outside. In my mind I was already thinking maybe it would have been better to stay out of Khaosan.

We passed several roadside barbeques grilling several kinds of meats and sausages, but the flies made us think twice. In the end, we ate at the Macdonald outlet there, where I swear one of the male serving staff had the hots for me. i'd catch him looking at me, and when our eyes met, he'd avert them with a sissy looking giggle. He appeared to be gossiping about Forest and I as well. MUST BE telling his colleagues how homoerotically attractive I am to him. Everytime one of the gossipping staff noticed me looking, they'd hush him up embarassedly and give sly looks. OMG!

Slept at 4am, after washing off the sweat and grime. Bangkok is soo humid at night! Thank goodness for Aircon!

For a different perspective of the first night, you can read Forest's entry here.

Not a politically-themed entry

2006-05-03T12:40:00.000+08:00

I think conflict is good. It encourages the survival of the fittest. It guards against complacency. The constant struggle to thrive makes one lean, efficient and productive. If one has no predators, one will grow fat and lazy from sitting at the same place all day.

And that is enough reason for me.

***

Now, on to more important stuff! Bangkok trip photos will be up soon.. Just need to fix my photos because, due to some quirk of the system, I ended up taking 5megapix photos at ISO640 settings. i.e, I now have a hundred or so super-grainy photos, each of which are at 2.5Mb in size.

In summary... Bangkok was WONDERFUL. And yes, that's even after considering the 39 C heat (30C at night), massive traffic jams and exhaust-fume laden air. Averil.... the animal pics are coming up soon. The puppies are soooo cute.

Sorry everyone, no souvenirs or titbits. We travelled light, and honestly, the trinkets were either too touristy kitsch (soap carvings, fans, mass-produced figurines, aromatherapy incense), or so expensively packaged as to cost almost as much as if we were to buy it at home. I just baulk at buying stuff I know were made just to skim off our tourist dollars. Still, I must admit I was tempted to buy a few of those "McShit" and "Starfucks" and "Fcuk You" T-shirts. Until I saw how badly aligned the printing was, that is.

Over a stormy sky

2006-04-27T15:02:00.000+08:00

Mesa goingsa Bangkok tonight!! Byes Byes!

Shuffle meme

2006-04-26T23:22:00.000+08:00

Kena tagged by AKKueh. Haha... this is going to be weird, cos I have a lot of instrumentals in my playlist, and less pop/rock hits.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?

The Ghost of Christmas Eve -Trans Siberian Orchestra

Our story starts with one small child

Who spends this night in attics dark
Where dreams are stored like sleeping hearts
And so it's here that they must wait
Till someone wishes them awake

For somewhere on this night of nights
She's looking to believe
Here among the ghosts on Christmas Eve

I guess I'm always dreamy, in a world of my own, with a vivid imagination?

Will I have a good life?

Teardrop my Godes - S.E.N.S

Wah... of all the songs to pick... pick one with this title? Teardrop.. my godess? goodness? I dunno man. Its probably wrongly titled. Supposedly its an instrumental by S.E.N.S, one of my fave artists. Sad song somemore...Maybe my life will be full oftears... and Godesses? hehe

What do my friends really think of me?

What is simple is true - Jewel

Another odd one I haven't heard often. Maybe friends think of me as being simple and laid-back. WYSIWYG? I know that those who don't read my blog think so. Maybe because I don't express openly that often. Heh.. but there's this whole other side of me... the inner self.

Do ppl secretly lust after me?

It Can Happen -Fool's Garden

"It can happen to you,
it can happen to me,
it can happen to all of us I'm trying to see,
its a little too late,
made a little mistake,
it can happen to anyone so don't be afraid"

Hmm.. self explanatory? whoa.. love this little song.

"maybe its better when you're going away,
I think its better when you're trying to stay

How can I make myself happy?

Mr Brightside - The Killers

Hm.. by always looking on the bright side of things? Yah.. true!

What should I do with my life?

1985 -Bowling for Soup

"Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, way before Nirvana
there was U2, and Blondie,
and music still on mtv,
her two kids, in high school,
tell her that she's uncool,
cos she's still preoccupied,
with 19... 19... 19-85....woohoohoo!"

Ha.. go retro? Dwell on the past? Wah.. what kind of advice is that?

Will I have children?

Da Gama - CUSCO, Ottomar Leibert

Hmm.. another instrumental... Vasco Da Gama is about this Portuguese explorer who explored Africa in the 15th century and rounded the cape of Africa and sailed to India...err... right.... I'll lead a conquistadore/explorer's life? bleh.

What is some good advice for me?

Run 2 U - Jewel

Hmm... Love? Need?

How will I be remembered?

Memory of Wide Sky- S.E.N.S

Wah... this is so the kind of instrumental I want them to play at my funeral... poignant, contemplative, yet not necessarily sad. Maybe like a large expanse of wide empty sky... too large, too empty, too lonely?

What is my signature dancing song?

Kiss Me - Sixpence none the richer.

LOL LOL LOL! Nice to dance to meh? ok lah.. maybe out on the bearded barley, beneath the moonlit sky.... and I'll swing that swinging step...

What do i think my current theme song is?

Fly me to the moon - Carol Kidd

Full of hope? Unrealistic expectations?

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

Justitia - Leseim

Justitia Omnium Est Domina
Mundus Est Dei, Viva Statua
O Fiat Justitia Et Expetit Mundus
Sine Ira Et Studio. O Gladius

Nolite Judicare Secundum Faciem
Imperat, Imperator Contra Legirupa
Gladiator In Arena Consilium Capit
Barabam Vellere Mortuo Leoni

We are the humans of the world
And we search for humanity
Show us the way where we'll find justice
That's the way we need

A modern Gregorian soundtrack.. very dark.. lots of percussion, violins, electronica....and totally incomprehensible except to those who know Latin. Meaning... Nobody understands me and they think I'm weird?

Wat song will they play at my funeral

Cathar Rythym - ERA

Haha.. funky man... another Gregorian rock mix

"Don't you come back now,
Don't you turn your eyes,
and if you dare to look,
I'll be waiting

Impera ve nessimo [The empire is nothing]
Impera sa mi ve nero [The empire became black]
Dove di imantore divo [Where are you, cruel God/fortress]

You hear my prayer
Don't you turn your eyes?
And if you dare to mourn
I'll be you waiting

E mani diavole [And hands of the devil]
E mano diavole [And hand of the devil]
E nere mani diavole [And black hands of devil]"

Wahahaha! Creepy ah? Guess when I go, I'm not going to be welcome back.

What type of men/women do I like?

Christmas in the air -Transiberian Orchestra

"And all at once
The dream's begun
And as we mark the old year's passing
Strangers greet
On every street
And suddenly there's goodwill everywhere
There's Christmas in the air"

Hmm.. happy, joyful people, filled with laughter?

What is my day going to be like?

Percussion - Stomp

Wah.. sound of trash cans and dogs and car horns. I'm going out! YUP! true! I'm going out liao!

Tagging: People I know have lots of songs in their collection

1)Averil
2)Ivanny
3)Edda
4)Slingwoof
5)emu -Yes, go revive your blog!
6)~Ying~
7)The obligatory 'rest of you who are interested'

Have fun!

Weekend blue

2006-04-23T16:32:00.000+08:00

Went to the gym yesterday with Muscles, Mico, and Fireman. Realised how puny I was. One of the biggest sized among the 4 and I was bench-pressing less than them. Embarassed. Followed their routine, working on the pects, biceps and triceps, mainly. WAY more intense than I would ever do or did on my own before.

I can't feel my arms now.

Woke up today feeling all weak and jelly-like. Can't even soap myself properly when I bathe, or apply sufficient force with the toilet paper. STILL, I agreed to run Bedok Reservoir with my cousin Psychoticfiend. I must be crazy. I'm doing this just to have someone to blade with before-hand.

***
The thing about waking up alone on sunday afternoon after 9 hrs of sleep, is that I get a foggy headache, and tend to have a bad breakfast/lunch because I'm feeling too bad to get out of the house for a proper meal. Ate 2 boiled eggs, 3 milk toast slices, a mars bar, an apple, and a Pepsi MAX to break my fast.

***

Still feeling grumpy. Chelsea lost to Liverpool in the FA cup semifinals. Dare I say deservedly? The Blues were too static, and some of the players were just strolling about the pitch.

***

GTD Implentation Phase I: Buying the paradigm

2006-04-19T11:24:00.000+08:00

Collection

"In order for your mind to let go of the lower-level task of trying to hang on to everything, you have to know that you have truly captured EVERYTHING that might represent something you have to do..."

The Buckets:
1 x physical inbox for material 'STUFF'
1 x notebook for ideas/reminders/dates recording

Collection Success Factors:

1)Every open loop must be in your collection system and out of your head
2)Have as few collection systems as you can get away with
3)Empty them regularly
4)Keep them close by so you can record your thoughts at a moment's notice

***

Process

You can't organize what is incoming-you can only collect it and process it. Instead, you organize THE ACTIONS you'll need to take based on the decisions you've made about what needs to be done.

Steps
1)Take 'Stuff'
2)Ask: Is it actionable?
3)No: Trash it(paper bin or delete key), Hold it (Get a file), File for reference(Get another file)
4)Yes: What project outcome have you committed to? what is the NEXT ACTION required?
5)Multi-step project: --> Place in a project file
6)1 step action: Doable in <2mins? style="font-weight: bold;">

***
Organise

Manage non-actionable material:
1)Trash
2)Hold-for-review container(a)non-defined 'someday' list b)auto-reminder file- set alarm to future date for rebiew
3)Reference storage-File. File drawer.

Manage actionable material
1)List of projects
2)Storage/files for project plans and materials
3) A Calendar
4)List of reminders of next actions
5)List of reminders of things I'm waiting for

"You don't actually do a project; you can only do action steps related to it. When enough of the right action steps have been taken, some situation will have been created that matches your initial picture... that you can call it done"

Calender (Hm... use google calender?)
1)Track time-specific appointments/event
2)Track day-specific actions
3)Day specific actions

Actions list:
1)Subdivide into categories according to location and context

***
Review

1)Calender reviewed most frequently-Check again after each action is done.
2)Check Next Actions list depending on context. (Home, work, computer, phone)
3)Review as needed- Projects, Waiting For Lists, Someday/maybe lists
4)Weekly review- Process stuff,review system, update lists, get, clean, clear,current, complete

"Most people feel best about their work the week before their vacation, but its not because of the vacation itself. What do you do the last week before you leave...? You clean up, close up, clarify and renegotiate all your agreements with yourself."

***
DO-How to choose which actions to DO at the time

Based on:
1)Context (Subdivide actions into context)
2)Time available
3)Energy available
4)Priority

Done

2006-04-19T00:38:00.000+08:00

IT is done.

It IS done.

It is DONE.

Well. Sort of. The draft has been completed and flung back to the higher ups, so technically its a waiting game until they get back to me. Just a little more to writeup based on their on-the-spot suggestions (some of which sound rather silly. But they're the bosses. *sigh*).

A big load lifted off my shoulders, to be replaced by several smaller ones. Nvm. This calls for a small celebration. I ate a double lunch. I stoned at the comp lab. I went to Borders and bought myself a congratulatory gift.

My very first self-help book. Well, the first one I paid money for, at any rate. To me, this signifies a commitment. A sacrifice for the greater good, if only in monetary terms.

David Allen's Getting Things Done system, or GTD for short, seems to be quite a hit among the purveyours of the self-help crowd. Besides the basic system, there's a large body of extra GTD refinements discussed on the web, so that's a plus point too.

Those of you who know me will know that I have had a horrid time battling myself, procrastination, and motivational issues. I've tried, in my own fashion, quite a few times to get myself going as well, I just seem to self-sabotage everything.

Of the very FEW things I know that works on me, the one that stands out is what I would term "The Leap of Faith". Its the one akin to when you're standing at the top of a 5m tall diving platform, debating whether or not to take a jump into the pool below. You look down, then shiver, get paralysed by fear, look for a way out and realise the swimming instructor has barred your way down, and a queue is growing as the other divers wait for their turn. You have to jump, but for some inexplicable, invisible, irrational reason, you cannot bring yourself to move until you feel you have resolved all your issues. You cling on to the railing and lean away from the edge, and probably whimper a little (or in my case, a lot).
But I've learnt that sometimes you cannot wait to resolve all the issues or soothe all the fears. Once I've determined that I will a)emerge from the bottom of the pool alive adn unscathed and b)probably be better off for it, then the time has come for an ugly, ungainly Leap of Faith. The one where you take a deep breath and running start and just jump off the platform; eyes closed, arms flailing and screaming like a schoolgirl, falling like a sack of potatos until you hit the water face first with a resounding smack. And after that, you emerge from the pool, red-faced but feeling strangely triumphant, while everyone else around you gives you a dirty look for having wasted so much time.

Most of the good things in my life came from Leap of Faiths. Taking up challenging activities and hobbies. Accepting new responsibilities in a job. Getting my wisdom tooth pulled. Making the first move with Forest. Some of these leaps came about despite my fears. Some of it came about despite the lack of adequate information. But it is the only way to sabotage my tendencies for self-sabotage. It is a reliable way to go beyond fatalistic acceptance of the status quo.

Aside: I find it quite ironic (again) that my most useful trick is a Leap of Faith, when I am an avowed atheist who finds fault in faith-based religions. I guess in order to resolve this dichotomy, I should define further that it is blind faith in spite of evidence otherwise that I have problems with. Besides, religion doesn't fufill part b) of my requirements for the Leap of Faith.

Anyway... back on topic. For years I've maintained a cynical attitude towards self-help, mainly because I don't agree with how self-perpetuating the industry is (then again, that kinda makes sense). How can people legitimately and morally enrich themselves by putting their self-help and motivational skills into use by promoting the same self-help and motivational skills? It seems like a perpetual motion machine. A pipe dream and unfufillable fantasy. But slowly I'm changing. Starting to buy into the paradigm, hoping to sift through the hype and catch on the genuinely useful bits of information.

Buying David Allen's Getting Things Done represents a small little leap of faith for me. Beyond the $18.50 that I spent, it represents the acknowledgement that I have make towards change in this area of my life. It represents the commitment to the cause, and an entire mindset shift. And I do all this still full of misgivings and suspicion. But a)I'm not going to be worse off for trying and b)I'm probably coming off better for it.

So... JUMP! FLAIL! SCREAM! Be totally unglam! It's ok, so long as you JUMP JUMP!

Irony

2006-04-18T17:41:00.000+08:00

Ok. I wasted the last 2 hours surfing the web on personal productivity and time management.

How wickedly ironic is that?

Meh.

2006-04-17T02:28:00.000+08:00

I enjoy skating. I really do. I enjoy the company too.

But to skate up and down the road alone for 30 minutes while waiting for a friend to show up, and then spend another 30 minutes chasing after him as he zooms far, far ahead...
well it really makes me wonder; why bother to skate together in the first place?

Too bad the storm cut short the session. My legs muscles are sore from lack of practice, my technique was lousy because I was skating out of control at too-fast speeds, and we didn't get to practice any tricks besides what I managed to do alone before he arrived.

He offered me a drink, probably to make up for being late. I refused, but only because I already owed him quite a few drinks already. My turn to pay this time and the next, but I'm always too slow. It's just me. Call me calculative but I don't like accumulating 'friendship-debt'.

The afternoon storm was torrential. Lots of lightning, whipping winds and slanting rain. Bedok North road was flooded and the water reached halfway up my car tyres. Scary man. I couldn't even see even though the wipers were turned to full speed. I blame all the construction going on. They must have done something to the drainage lah.

The Magic Fundoshi: Sex(ual innuendo) sells

2006-04-16T20:32:00.000+08:00

"Lust… Desire... Sex… Underwear?!
The Magic Fundoshi is a saucy comedy made up of three parables poking fun at human frailties and our fleshly instincts...
... The form of Japanese comedy known as Kyogen developed around 1400 as comic interludes between Noh dramas. These classical Japanese kyogen (literally ‘wild words’) provided a dazzling contrast and light-hearted relief from the bleak, slow-moving Noh plays; and to this day, kyogen still has Japanese audiences rolling in the aisles in laughter. Kyogen are delightfully everyday celebrations of human foibles; and lust, sloth, vanity and other human appetites are the stuff of which kyogen is made. The traditional kyogen repertoire features whimsical tales of the Everyman (and woman) – of servants outsmarting their masters and scheming tricksters getting into bizarre screw-ups - always playful, always mischievous, always hilarious."

***
Went to watch The Magic Fundoshi yesterday with Forest, Emu, Mr. Yellow and Ms. Astute. I had little idea what it was about actually, except that the tickets cost me $50, and there was a mini controversy in the papers regarding the lack of adequate warning to minors and guardians over its nude scenes and risque content. I thought it should be a hoot, since, being the mountain tortise I am regarding theatre productions, I've yet to see live nudity being performed on stage.

It must have been a special occasion, because we spotted a few local personalities in the audience. Emu pointed out local director Erik Khoo and local writer Catherine Lim seated a few rows in front of us. Ivan Heng flitted about most conspicuously wearing a lurid pink shirt and black-rimmed glasses, fitted with a cord that he hung around the neck.

Before the show started, director Glen Goei bounded up on stage to give an improv comedy skit. No, really. He started with a disclaimer that there was going to be some nudity and adult themes in the play. Lust, desire, sex, underwear. Well, DUHHH, right? Then he continued with an explanation of his new self-censorship system; an inconspicuous red light hanging at the top of the stage that would switch on whenever nudity was imminent, whereupon the more delicately predisposed among the audience should take it upon themselves to cover their eyes until the offending scene was over. Having reduced the audience to stitches of laughter, he then left the stage for a frenetic taiko drummer to beat the opening music into the first scene. (He really is worth watching too. First time I saw people jumping up and down when taiko drumming)

What can I say; I guess the show did live up to its billing. Act one was a little hard to get the hang of, what with its use of convoluted Victorian-style English dialogue more at home in Shakespearean plays and Indian bureaucratic documents; the plot was a little too stylised and symmetrical (i.e. predictable). Still, the sexual imagery was subtle enough . It might only be my imagination, but I thought the background scenery contained quite a few phallic symbols and depictions of breasts. And the picture of the hummingbird sticking its beak into a flower too, though it was Emu who caught that one. The red light made its first appearance with some hilariously funny shadowplay.

Act two was slightly more daring. The highlight of a simple but hilarious tale of the magic fundoshi, conspicuously reminiscent of 'The emperor's new clothes' parable, was when one of the characters hiked up his ... kimono?.. and bared his buttocks to the audience. From that time on I can bet that most of us watching had problems following the plot. Most likely we're wondering if he would 'zao gng', i.e. let slip his strategically hidden member. And when he turned sideways in dialogue, I thought I could see a corresponding shift in the heads of the audience as they leaned to one side or the other. Unfortunately, I didn't see anything. They'd probably practiced this scene to perfection. Maximum titillisation without actual nudity.

If you thought Act two was lewd.... well... act three would probably be classified as shocking. Having gotten the audience used to the use of the 'red-light', The scene for act three was set early with the use of a string of twenty or so red 'christmas tree' lights as a backdrop. The red light was also perpetually switched on for the entire act. If that didn't warn us of what is to come, then surely the Japanese Torii in the background erected ( pardon the pun) using 3 very curved phallus structures is a very unambiguous indication.
Plotwise, it comes across as the weakest among the 3 stories; seemingly put together only to showcase a number of homoerotic caressing scenes among the cast, and climaxing ( I swear, I the sexual innuendo isn't on purpose!) in the final scene where Wonder Woman, played by Emma Yong in shimmering underwear sans bra, appears before the lascivious priests and pilgrams. She then proceeds to emasculate all of the men with her magic wand, while spouting something or other in a weird tribute to feminism. I asked my friends later and it appears that few of us really heard, understood what she was trying to say. You have to acknowledge that the exposed breasts, tastefully covered as they were with two tiny, strategically placed stars, were a major distraction.

All in all, The Magic Fundoshi is a raunchy, low-brow but funny comedy that doesn't fear to draw laughs by the use of slapstick and sexual innuendo. I pity the 2 kids in the audience, who were understandably very wide-eyed throughout the show.

***

After the show we stopped by at the Pitstop Cafe for some good, old-fashioned fun with boardgames. $10 bought us a 3scoop ice-cream, a drink, and 2 hours of gaming, which the owners kindly let us extend all the way past 1am without charge! Thanks guys! We played a card game involving barnyard animal sounds, and another popular boardgame called Ticket to Ride. A train-building game kinda like Railway Tycoon. Lots of fun and laughter and I really enjoyed myself. I can see that a night out atboard-gaming cafes might soon become a regular night-time activity for me, as substitute for the normal pubbing and clubbing culture(Bleh. No interest, sorry.)

Seperation: Brought forward

2006-04-14T22:38:00.000+08:00

The odd one out: Wisdom tooth spoils 'family' photo.

Ok, things finally got worse throughout the whole of wednesday night. I SMSed Averil and she informed her dad, who called me up on thursday morning. He was free, so he asked me to head down his clinic (Pan Island Dental Surgery @ Bedok Reservoir Road) to do the extraction immediately, instead of the 17th as planned. 'Don't think, don't think', I told myself. Just say 'YES I'LL GO DOWN AND GET IT EXTRACTED IMMEDIATELY'.

15 minutes later I was seated at his chair, wondering what the hell I got myself into. By then it was too late to run away screaming. I'd already torn my parking coupon for the next half-hour. Uncle Steven was dressed up in a paper smock and facemask, fiddling with a large array of sharp-looking steel implements. First he numbed the gum with an oral analgesic gel (yeah yeah he only uses it for kids but made a special exeption for me), and then whipped out the needle and gave me two shots of local anaesthetic. Pinpricks really, although there was a slight burn as the liquid flooded into the flesh and capillaries. I'm glad that the underside of the dentist chair had a convenient handhold to grip against.

In 15 minutes, the flesh was numb and he went to work, putting all manner of weird implements and drills into my mouth. I think there was a scalpel, some suction thingys and picks. When he started doing whatever he was doing, my fears flooded into me again. There was all sort of sawing and grinding going on and you could feel the pressure against your head as he tugged and pushed and pressed. But I couldn't feel a thing.

In that moment, I recognised the greatest fear of visiting a dentist for what it was: That a wayward tug could result in a slip of a sharp instrument, followed by the painful piercing of that instrument through your flesh as it rips through your cheeks and lacerates your tongue from end to end.

Baseless fears of course. I was in the hands of a practicioner with over 20 years of experience. He could probably do it with his eyes closed, and one hand tied behind his back besides. I felt little as he drilled a section of the tooth open, apart for an occasional tingling of a nerve. He gave me another two shots, which I hardly felt. On hindsight perhaps I shouldn't have grunted everytime I felt a tingle. He seemed to reach for the needle everytime I did that.

Finally, with the tooth exposed, he inserted a strange instrument that looked like a mini-crowbar, and then yanked. You could see the muscles of his arm bulge behind his smock and shirt. There was a small crackling sound, like the breaking of a disposable wooden chopstick, as flesh tore and came apart from tooth. And then it was out, a black and bloody silhouette passing across my field of vision as he held it against the lamp before placing it on his tray. No pain, no sensations but for the wave of relief that it was out, and almost over.

There was a lot of flushing with water, and suctioning. He placed a freaking HUGE needle and syringe into my mouth, which made me jump despite knowing that it was just to rinse the abcess. Then he tried to patch up a cavity on my second molar which my wisdom tooth had created by pressing against it. There was too much blood, he said It couldn't be done at that time. Blood? There was blood?? I hardly felt anything up til then, and he had to put in my mind images of a gushing fountain of blood spewing forth . Sheesh! Anyway. Apparantly I'll have to go back again once the wound has healed , to get a proper filling for that damage.

The final act was the stitching up. 3 stitches, using an odd hook-like needle. As he threaded it through my flesh and drew it tight, the surgical thread pressed against my cheek and lips, I had the strange thought that hmm... now I know how a fish feels like when it it gets caught. 3 stitches. Then he snipped off the excess thread and we were done. The whole procedure? Painless. Painless! I even felt cheated, somehow. Why did everyone say it would hurt? Cheh.

I know you guys are probably thinking Ok ok! Enough already, where's the photos?Nah! Here. In all its glory:

Awww... so cute right? NOT. I'm glad the annoying li'l fecker's gone for good.

My uncle's fantastic sewing skills. (Pic's inverted. The wisdom tooth was supposed to be on my left)

Day 2:

I took the painkillers and antibiotics that he prescribed, but I think the painkillers are redundant. Still no pain at all! The cheeks have swelled up a lot though, but my jaw is regaining more and more mobility. I'm eating solid foods now like rice, fish, chai tao kueh (carrot cake), plums, fishballs, fishcakes, yoghurt etc. NO PAIN! Haha, I know, I'm supposed to dine on watery teochew porridge for the next 5 days. Now I tell you, THAT would be painful. In a few days, I don't care, I'm gonna be eating chicken and steak again. The only thing left now is for the swelling to go down so I can show my face in public again.

Seperation

2006-04-12T12:36:00.000+08:00

I think she knows. She's started kicking up a fuss now, and the past few days have been terrible. She's a niggling presence keeps intruding, and refuses to go away or give me peace of mind. I guess its my fault. I've treated her horribly in the past and she never once complained, but now that I've decided to terminate our relationship all hell hath broken loose. The 17th. That's the day I get rid of her. Good riddence. I wish she were like my other, who's as docile and meek as one can be. No trouble at all and a dream to be with. But then again, who knows? In time, I'll probably get as much trouble from her as I'm getting now. The meek one has got to go too.

Bah. Wisdom teeth.They're all the same.

Monday morning frus

2006-04-10T11:55:00.000+08:00

Woke to the buzzing of my handphone reveberating through the springs of my spring mattress as I lay with the side of my head pressed against it.

Dad. Bring new handphone box and old phone to him at the office. Quick.

Jump out of bed from the surge of adrenalin at being so suddenly woken.

Autopilot myself to wash up, dress, pack and leave.

Mentally check mood: Great! Rearing to go and 'paralysis-by-analysis' mentality seems to have been shunted to a dark corner of the brain where it wouldn't interfere with the 'don't-think-just-do' mode. (Yes, I've named all my various moods)
Drove to Dad's office. Passed him stuff. Drove to school.

Worried that mood was waning. Drank Red Bull to perk it up even more. Literally gulped it down without tasting. Sigh. I used to like this shit. Now I can't even be bothered to enjoy the taste.

Set up shop in the Library. Feel the heart pumping from surge of caffeine and Vitamin B complexes.
Pull out laptop.
Pull out optical mouse.
Pull out laptop lock.
Pull out Handphone charger.

Pull out.....

Shit, where's the laptop power cord?!?!?!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mood collapses like a deck of stacked cards.

Reprieve. Of sorts

2006-04-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

Just had my wisdom tooth X-rayed. The two upper ones are ok, but of the two lowers, one has erupted at a 20 degree angle and is decayed, and the other is a sleeping beauty hidden deep in the gum, impacting the roots of my 2nd molars. She's also got to go. But maybe later on.

The decayed wisdom is scheduled for liberation on the 17th of April. Not today as I had thought. Haiyah.. after all the psyching up, what an anti-climax.

4am hallucinations of a haunted mind

2006-04-07T04:08:00.000+08:00

Nothing. Nothing. Big fat zero. Why hasn't the guillotine come crashing down yet? I've already been defeated, still have to wait so long for the killing blow? Its cruel to make a death-row prisoner wait so long for his death.

***

Coming face to face with the interface between rationality and irrationality in my mind, and helplessly seeing irrationality win without being able to do anything about it. That's scary. Its like those ghost dreams where your spirit hovers over your body but nothing you do can make it move, twitch, or wake up.

***

Wisdom tooth extraction soon. Maybe tomorrow. Hello needle my old friend. I've come to be with you again.

***

'Big Eyes'. Is that how I am remembered?

***

Sleepy. Can sleep. Don't dare to sleep. Brainfog on waking up is terrible. Is it the recycled air from the aircon? Is it the darkness? The temperature?

***

So much to learn. So much to learn about how to learn. I feel jealous when I read about how everyone is getting along in life. How much they've learnt or experienced by virtue of what job they are doing. Why mine so empty?

My fault.

No one else to blame.

Move.

Move....

Damned... how do I get my spirit back into the body again?

Best Freebie ever

2006-03-25T20:30:00.000+08:00

Spotted a promotion for the newly revamped Cathay in yesterday's Today paper. Each cutout entitles you to one free movie ticket on the opening day (which was yesterday).

Forest and I scavenged two copies and went there that evening, where we promptly redeemed the cutouts for two tickets to sneak screenings of Rent. No fuss. No restrictions. Free movie! How cool is that??

I remember the old Cathay as a dingy looking old movie theatre with long winding stairs. Never hung out there much before it closed, but I remember watching Gremlins there when I was a wee li'l kid, and Se7en some time in 1997 after graduating from JC. No more. The new building we went to yesterday was huge, spacious and brightly lit. Kinda like the new National Library in its grandeur. Box office is at L5 and theatres at L6. I don't know what L1 to L4 will be, but I'm thinking cafes, restaurants and shops. Think I saw a signboard advertising Starbucks coffee.

The box office floor was pretty nice. 4 to 5 ticketing counters for fast processing of customers. Likewise for the concessions stand, serving a pretty large variety of food beyond the standard popcorn, nachos and hotdog. They even have pizza, salad and pasta, all of which will be served to your seat in the cinema.
Unfortunately, their promptness left much to be desired. We got our orders only 20 minutes after our show started. Tsk tsk tsk.... Never mind. first day, so give them chance. If you don't want to deal with the hassle and/or you are so hungry you want to eat overpriced food immediately, then there's also a very nice counter selling more traditional kacang puteh and chips. Somehow it just doesn't feel right that looking at the big containers of fried green peas and broad beans lined up neatly on curvy rows of wood-laminate shelves, illuminated by soft lighting from hidden lamps. I miss the old indian man in sarong and singlets, shovelling your kachang into a rolled up piece of paper torn off a Yellow Pages telephone directory. Sigh. Good days.

The theatre level (L6) was nicely carpeted and decorated with wood panelling. Seats were very plush, with more than ample legroom. Even the seats near the front row were a comfortable distance from the screen so you don't get neck aches from watching.

On the negative side, redundant seat ushers. Honestly, does anyone NOT KNOW how to find his/her seat in a dark theatre? The numbers are all brightly lit at the aisles! Is it really necessary for the usher to stop people from comnig in late, demand loudly to look at their tickets, then tromp up and down the aisles to the correct row, and then shining their flashlights at people's feet so the latecomers can see their way in?

Sweet gesture, yes, but damned bloody distracting. The seat numbers are brightly lit. There's no chance of stepping in the darkness and finding no floor beneath your feet. And if a person passes you to get to his seat, its really common sense to shift your feet to avoid getting stomped on. You don't need an usher to make a spectacle of the entire affair.

Also on the negative side, the toilets are far too small and cramped. only 3 or 4 cubicles! And yesterday, one of them got choked by toilet paper adn flooded the adjecent two cubicles. It was wet, littered with paper, and the floor had dirt and scuff marks from people's shoes. Bad experience. And the ladies' toilet had a queue forming up too.

On the plus side, Rent is a fantastic show! Sure, its just the movie and not the musical, but hey, the sets are better, they have the advantage of multiple takes, and best of all, it's free!

Reconnection

2006-03-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

I've always been fortunate in that mystical forces always seem to be at work to catch me before I spiral out of control, bringing me back on track.

This month's theme seems to be about reconnection with old friends:

1)met up with the old Aikido alumni for chitchatting about old days. It's especially good to see Yek again. We'd always been close when we were still going for practice. I always seem to let people drift away when we stop sharing common activities.

2)Planned a gym session with an old classmate I haven't hung out with after he graduated. I'm actually glad he's still giving it a go after I cancelled on him so many times.

3)Established online contact and friendship with someone I met in aikido a long time back, but never got to talk to much before.

4)Bumped into an old JC mate I haven't met for 6 years at Borders last weekend. We've plan to go to the German fair this sat with another friend (my once-close friend from secondary school whom I haven't kept in contact for just as long), and then to chitchat and drink kopi.

5)Organising a long-overdue 2nd gathering with emu's friends, whom I got to know during NY eve. Cycling, frisbee-ing, and then chilling out at Settler's cafe, hopefully.

I think need more tok cock sessions with guys. From hanging out mostly with male cliques in JC and army, the NUS days have seen me swinging out to the other end as I established close friendships mostly with people of the opposite gender. Sometimes these days I feel a bit left out in the cold when it comes to male-bonding.
Also, I dunno if its just me, or do certain friends take it upon themselves to leave me alone after finding out i'm attached?

Hmmm.. Reconnection is in my list of New Year's Resolutions. Maybe Steve Pavlina's theory of the power of intention manifestation does hold some water after all.

Made in Singapore MTV- Funny!

2006-03-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

In other news

2006-03-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

Work, which once seemed like a huge stone block I was chipping away futilely, seems to have gained some semblence of shape to a huge stone wheel now. Slowly, it seems to be moving, rolling down the gentle slope against my will. I was not done, but things are proceeding with or without my readiness. Boss has brought his/our collaborators to bear, and finally I have been endowed with a few deadlines for events in which I must be part of, but that are larger than just my little, detestable pet project. I haven't decided whether to be abhorrently frightened or happy like fuck.

***
I finally got my skates. The ones which I'd been lusting for last year since I took up blading again. Skateline couldn't fix my old Kinetic 8s so they issued a credit note reimbursing me for the money I paid for it 6 months ago. I then used it to buy their last pair of Kinetic 10s, since its value had depreciated enough by now for the credit note to cover its cost.

Went skating with Gerald on Sat morning and he taught me how to do a slide stop. I think its a powerslide, but i'm not sure. With my 84a hardness wheels, skidding is much easier, and I now have another cool move to incorporate into my repertoire. I can only do it on one side now: Will have to practice the other leg as well.

***
A trip to bangkok is in the pipelines near the end of next month, but with the current unrest and anti-S'porean sentiments going on there, I wonder if anything will go wrong. That aside, I wonder if we could join in the protest marches. Would be an eye-opening experience, eh?

Anyone have tips, travel itenaries or guide books of Thailand and Bangkok to share and for me to borrow? :-)

***
Reflection: Actions have been taken, sentiments have been revealed, feedback has been received and analysed and all is good. All that is left is to say the words. A word. THE word. That which has been on the back of the mind. On the tip of the tongue. In the unspoken flash of the eyes. But it does not come. The sound is not given birth through the movement of mouth and tongue and flow of air through the vocal cords. One wonders if it should be said while still uncertain of the veracity of how closely truth matches proclamation. One wonders if the utterance would seal an unspoken pact with the finality of a 'guarantee plus chop'. One wonders if he is able to live up to the expectation of upholding that pact, formed by the Word, in the noble spirit in which it is meant. And then one wonders, if it even need be spoken at all, to give those ephermeral feelings definition and form.

Spotted at Chinatown, Pearl Centre on Saturday 17th Mar 2006

2006-03-19T21:12:00.000+08:00

This young, bald ang-moh looking guy sits at the stage area outside Pearl Centre, striking a dramatic meditative pose (see his hands). Wearing ear-phones and eyes shut, he appears oblivious to the stares by the elderly locals milling around, and to the destitute looking man curled up and sleeping on the floor next to him.

So what can he be doing? My guesses are:

1)He's travelled thousands of miles but due to visa problems, he can't enter China to meet up with his Falungung comrades. We catch him as he makes do with practicing Falungong in the most convenient Asian country to him:Singapore

2)Seeing the sores and wounds of the hobo sleeping next to him, this new age healer goes deep into a meditative state to transfer healing energy into his hands, before proceeding to do Reiki on the hobo.

3)Aspiring actor hoping to raise his local profile by doing attention-grabbing stunts in unusual locales, hoping some journalist or blogger will put him up into the WWW.

4)Performance artist, readying himself and calming his mind before busting out into an energetic display of Shaolin martial arts and acrobatics. Upturned cap will be used for collecting donations later.

Fooooooood: Where to get cheap and unusual food in town

2006-03-19T17:58:00.000+08:00

Forest and I have been eating well, hunting down inexpensive but interesting food around the Orchard area.

One of these places is Chippy's British Takeaway at Far East Plaza Level 1:

For $4.45 I bought a large bag of beer-battered fish and chips (both battered and deep fried), served either the authentic British way with salt and vineger, or the American style mayonaisse, or Singaporean fast food style chilli sauce. The pieces of fish are fresh (I saw them slicing and battering them in the kitchen behind) and crisp, with the heady aroma and tart taste of vinegar. It wasn't that saltish, because I told them to lay off the salt. Definitely value for money: They gave so many pieces!

For $3.95 Forest ordered the Curry Cheese Chicken: chicken chunks coated with curry powder and deepfried, served with cheese sauce. It wasn't that nice because it was over-fried until it turned dark brown. Better value would be to go over to the stall next door and buy their Taiwanese style breaded chicken cutlet that's so famous in Taiwan. It looked big, tender and juicy. Definiteyl going to try that the next round.

The Piece de resistance, however, has to be their signature dish: Deep-Fried Mars Bars. What's that, you say? Yep, you heard it right! Mars bars, cut into bite-sized chunks and deep-fried in batter to caramelize the sugars, and served with a scoop of vanilla or chocolate ice cream. Cost is less than $3. All I can say is... Whoa!! Sensory experience overload! Sweet, nutty, oily, served piping hot and then slathered in ice cream...

What can I say? It's extremely sinful, unhealthy, fattening and bad for the throat. But damned if it isn't fantastically good! After eating that for lunch, we decided to go low-calorie for dinner(Although we did go for supper later- see below)

Maggie Prata, $3:
Near the botanical gardens and old MOE buildings, there's a Prata Cafe over at Evans lodge along Evans road. We stopped by the place for some late night supper, and realised that this was the one recently featured in a food program on TV. Decided to try their 'famous' Maggie Prata, which is basically prata with onions and maggie and its powdered soup base. So-so lah. I guess its better for novelty value than actual taste. We also ordered iced ginger-calamansi juice. Which was pretty refreshing. Citrusy lime married with the spiciness of ginger, moderated by the iciness. I have to admit its pretty good, although I'm not a fan of halia. The other pratas there are just average and slightly pricier though. I'm more impressed by the looks of the pratas at the suntec cafe (near the convention centre) and the one at Food Republic in Wisma. Looks. I haven't actually tried those yet, but they look bigger, fluffier and fresher.

Last friday we also met up with Orange and her friend Dear to help out with Orange's last minute birthday gift shopping spree. We stopped by Fin cafe in Marina Square for fish and chips, pasta, and yes... lamb shank. Lamb shank was nicely presented. Meat was tender but strong-tasting. mash was a little meagre. The size of the huge plate unfortunately over-emphasized the modesty of the serving portions. Definite minus point from me. Foods are ard the $10-12 range, and it wasn't that fantastic, although they do serve fresh oysters and mussels.
Their value for money catch has to be the take-away fish and chips $8.00. Buy one and get the 2nd for 50% off ($3.95) or something. Service is quite friendly although they took their time in cooking our food.

The other place for 'cheap' food has to be Orchard Cineleisure at night, which I've found myself loitering at more and more often. Seems to be about the only place in town where you can get your entertainment after 11pm. Food outlets stay open till 1-2am on weekends, and the Maestro Bistro opens till 5am to serve the late-night movie going crowd. On top of that, all foods bought from L 4,5,6, and 9 in Orchard Cineleisure can be brought into the cinemas. Suki sushi sells takeaway sushi at 1 for 1 free after 9pm. That's 30c per sushi. I guess it shd be pretty safe if you steer clear of the raw stuff like salmon. I bought 4 pieces ($1.20) and they were quite filling. No stomachache yet so it passes my toxicity test. Cafe Cartel and the Coca Cola Red lounge sell cakes for 50% off, working out to be ard $2.50 per generous slice.

Chinatown

After meeting Willow to pass her her birthday presents (flowers and expensive-label dress :-p ), we hung out at Tea Chapter with Forest, Orange and Pegasus to waste time playing with tea-sets, and play Cranium. It was pretty fun but Willow and Orange had to go, and so after Pegasus left Forest and I went in search of the famous Austrian wurtselstand at chinatown. This Austrian dude and his Pinoy wife operate an authentic as hell Austrian hot-dog stand smack in the middle of touristy chinatown, amidst the other pushcarts selling more local fare. I ordered
a large bockwurst in bread and mustard, while she tried bratwurst with saukraut. Having had the same experience in Salzburg and Vienna, I have to conclude that it passes the authenticity test. Not fantastically great, but still good.

Sad thing tho is that back in his homeland, the chef would probably be no more famous than any of the other thousand push-cart operators selling the same thing. But over here, the novelty factor draws the crowds, and authenticity counts for something too I guess. I'd go back for more whenI feel the craving for a goodbockwurst.

Skate woes

2006-03-10T22:35:00.000+08:00

After 3 weeks of inaction by skateline because
a)their boss took a 10 day leave and couldn't be contacted to make the decision, and
b)because their staff member's wife gave birth and he took leave to be with her,

Finally they decided that my K2 Kinetic 8 skates did have a problem that can be construed as a 'manufacturing defect'. They were willing to reimburse me a new pair of skates since it couldn't be repaired. However, since they had no stocks of Kinetic 8s anymore, they decided to compensate me with a cash voucher of $348, which was the price I originally paid for my skates.

The bad thing is that they had returned my damaged skates to the main office, together with the 82mm wheels which I had seperately bought for $96!! Argh. It could be in the dumpster by now. The Skateline guy is trying to get those back for me, so the conclusion is that I'll be without my skates for a few more weeks until this matter is resolved and I choose my new ones.

Movie Review: Takeshis'

2006-03-10T14:01:00.000+08:00

Utterly confusing. Scenes repeat and repeat, playing back variations anfter variations of absurd memories of events. Events are coloured with odd imagery and don't make sense. Sequences don't follow from one scene to another. People react with exaggerated emotions and die violently a few times along the way.

The story tries to rid you of the idea that anything going on is real; merely the psychotic hallucinations of a failed and struggling actor. The only effect on me was to make me reject the supposedly 'real' ending with scorn and disbelief. I refuse to play along with such absurd manipulations of my rationality.

Reading a couple of reviews after watching the show, I found the critics were praising it:

"Reality and visions of film scenes already shot (and even those yet to be captured on celluloid) play tag with each other in Kitano's unconventional, unique narrative. A dramatic comedy of repetitions, exaggerations and contrasts, Takeshis' violates rules about form and storytelling. Kitano - playing his twin roles with flawless ease and consummate skill - enters the sublime domain of cinema-within-cinema with the playfulness of a puer eternus - the eternal child abiding in all of us."

and

"In Takeshis’, Kitano has created a smorgasbord, a twisted confusion of all his genres up to that point played out as a fantasy inside his doppelganger’s head, in which absolutely nothing is real (and nor are you expected to believe it so) and there is almost no chronology of images."

Whatever. i thought the show was stupid and utterly self-indulgent. An ego-stroking Takeshi vehicle disguised as a post-modern art film.

Rating: 2/10. Watch only if its free and you need a good brainfuck.

Smokin'

2006-03-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

Yep, my mum recently obtained the VCD collection of the Korean period drama, 'Jewel in the Palace'.

Both mum and dad started watching, but it was dad who got hooked.

Last saturday he spent 14 consecutive hours lying in bed watching the VCDs, until the very abused and overworked TV blew a fuse and started to smoke. Lol!!!

Transamerica:review

2006-03-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

Transamerica is a great show. Felicity Huffman from Desperate Housewives stars as a man who's trying to get a sex change operation to turn completely into a woman. He finds out he has a 17 year old son from a casual tryst a long time ago who is in jail and in all kinds of deep shit. So He/she goes to bail him out, takes him on a long road trip from New York to LA, and in the meantime gets into all kinds of funny situations as they learn about and come to terms with each other.

The movie is rated M 18, with full frontal male nudity (including Felicity Huffman with a prosthetic penis), and allusions and vague depiction sof gay sex. I watched the show without knowing about Felicity Huffman, so I really thought it was a guy acting in it! The two actors were really good. Felicity really had me, with all the exaggerated feminine movements that no normal woman would make, while the son Toby was convincingly angsty and sullen as the kid with a broken family and history of abuse. Unlike Le Grand Voyage, which was another road-trip movie about father-son bonding, Transamerica kept me interested with the gradual unpeeling of the characters to expose their vulnerable emotional cores. The appropriately-interspersed moments of drama along the way build on each other, allowing both characters and the father-son relationship to grow. And in the end, a mildly bittersweet and satisfying conclusion to the story that was just right.

Verdict: Fantastic story, great acting! Still not too comfy with watching male nudity, esp in Forest's company. 8/10 stars

Hungry!

2006-03-04T11:50:00.000+08:00

Today I experienced my first ever 10 course vegetarian wedding dinner.

No offence to the happy couple, but I'm still starving! I need to gnaw on a chunk of cooked animal flesh!

My Johari Window

2006-03-03T01:48:00.000+08:00

My Johari Window

Family and friends... spare a moment to do this survey for me. Be truthful! Thx all!

Firefox - Shiok browsing experience

2006-03-02T21:59:00.000+08:00

Wow... Firefox has transformed my websurfing experience. While the basic browser is great on its own, its the little extensions that make the difference and transform it into a fantastic piece of multipurpose software.

All of them are easy to install and update; Just one click and they are in, all properly managed and integrated by Firefox. Some of my favourite extensions are:

1)Fasterfox - Enhances your surfing speed
2)Downloadthemall - Enhances your download speed. I once d/l a 180Mb file in 10 minutes using this. Whoa!
3)Gmail Manager - log into your Gmail acct and let it monitor new email for you. Also enables you to log into multiple accounts at the same time.
4)Gmail space- Wahh.. turn your Gmail (2Gb) mail account into an online drive. Can upload and download files to it via ftp. Hehe.. given I have around 100 invititations to gmail, tt means potentially I can have 200Gb of space for my own personal use! Muhahaha.
5)Ajax Yahoo! mail - Puts a preview button into your yahoo! mail. At first this one confused me, until I realised the button is incorporated into the yahoo! mail page after you log in. There's no button on the browser itself. Hehe, now I can read my mail while still remaining in my inbox, instead of having to press the back button everytime I finish reading a mail.
6)IE tab - Allows you to view webpages as they would look like in Internet Explorer. The developers claim it even allows you to do a microsoft update on Firefox using this. Steady lah!

***

Updates

2006-03-01T20:00:00.000+08:00

I have a few nasty insect bites from 3 days ago that refuse to go away. They're reminiscent of sandfly bites; small white swellings and you can see a small red dot in the centre where the bloody insect stuck its poker into my skin.

I'm now in a vicious cycle of feeling itchy, scratching, and having it feel itchier.

Haven't been updating as much as I would have. All the interesting things that happened require a more composed mind to capture. That and guilt-free time in which to compose it.

News in brief?

Watched a mindboggling amount of movies this month. Did a lot of walking around the city at night. Went to the aerospace show to see the flying displays. Well, actually we went to Changi beach to catch it for free. Hm, what else? Developed a like for clorets and mentos mints. Hm, maybe its a small step from liking chlorophyll flavour to actually eating greens. After all, I've already overcome my distaste of coleslaw. Finally fixed my blog template do display correctly. Now, it should display correctly in Opera, Firefox, and IE.

Doing some jogging to build up my fitness again. Lost 1kg of weight since last year. Hopefully I can rejoin Aikido training again by April. Or maybe I should just go this month. Anything I want to do this badly should be taken advantage of and incorporated into my work rewards system.
Blood pressure as of yesterday is a near-perfect 117/74. Strange. I'd have thought my pressure would have shot through the roof. Must be the effects of potion no. 9. Hahaha!

On a negative note, it looks like my wisdom tooth, which I've been nurturing cafefully for more than 10 years since it surfaced on the lower left jaw, must go. Goodbye. I will miss you. NOT.

***

For a while, it was fun seeing all the hits to my blog from yahoo! search, all screaming some variation of "*ammy *YP *ex *ideo" after I posted my last entry. It got boring after a while, especially since it didn't generate any new comments or draw any new readers to my blog.

Ok, enough crap, that's all for now.

Singapore International Superstar

2006-02-22T14:39:00.000+08:00

Wah...top 5 searches in Technorati all go to 'Nammy TYP" and related searches (youtube is a video upload site. Obvious connection rite?). I think this officially makes her more popular than all the previous scandal-hit people like ParongSartygirl and Yawn Dang.

Cham lah the girl. Better migrate to Zimbabwe and hide for the next few yrs.

*edit: Yes I do know I mis-spelled the names.*

Commentary in Brief

2006-02-21T14:08:00.000+08:00

1) Danish Cartoon furore:

Cartoonist provokes, but rioting muslims crossed the line.

2) Tammy NYP sex scandal:

Victim's dumb, thief's evil.

3) Growth Dividend Fund:

Property-less young adults staying with parents in high-value housing get shortchanged yet again.

4) Google's new anti-spam authentication for its search engine:

WTF!!! So troublesome!

5) Suspension of ReNu contact lens solution due to rise in fungal corneal infection:

It is culprit only by association, from inconclusive data.

Disaffected

2006-02-18T02:18:00.001+08:00

Met a large group of old friends for dinner today. We had dinner at Marche, and adjourned to a small cafe for coffee later, chatting late into the night and leaving only at 1am.

I feel drained by the occasion. Disconnected from everyone and a little annoyed by it all. Conversation and jokes flew fast and furious, too quickly and high over my head for me to participate. Like the guy in an ice-breaker game ( A big group of people sitting in a circle, playing) who never gets his name called up. So he just sits there and watches, and waits, and waits, and finally drifts off into a world of his own.

Two conversation threads ran concurrently; To my right, someone regaled about stocks, and unit trusts, and credit cards. To my left, Another bemoaned the sad state of his stable, unexciting job and of the fun holidays that his ample disposable income would allow him to take.
No money. No proper job. No stability. Hence, no interest in the conversation. The mind wandered over to the next table, wondering why that kid would ever want to grow a beard and goatee, and why that yuppie guy sitting behind me with a glass of beer on his table looked so dejected, and alone. I wondered what that fat security guard was thinking as he hobbled his way down the shopfront corridor and looked down at us. I wondered what that jazzy music being piped from the speakers was. I wondered when I could go home.

And most of all, I wondered why I was being shut out. The turning of the back. The subtle lean away. The aversion of the eyes. The deliberate distancing, either in front, or behind. The silence. The silence. The silence in more ways than one.....

Inside the cocoon in which no words seek to penetrate, there is plenty of time for one to wonder.

Irrelevant Irrelevence (7)

2006-02-13T14:57:00.000+08:00

The concept of spending to get what you want, and spending for A CHANCE to get what you want, requires a subtle shift of perspective in order to completely understand the truth of the situation.

I'm not sure I've fully come to terms with the difference yet.

Short thoughts

2006-02-09T12:31:00.000+08:00

Closing in on my proposal completion. I'm finally putting in an acceptable level of work (by my standards) even though the use of my time could be more efficient. It still seems like its too little, too late though. I musn't let this thing happen ever again.

***

Just kena an advisory lettor from the traffic police, saying that I'd been caught travelling above 80km/hr on the PIE. I could have been fined up to $130 and given 4 demerit points, but apparantly they are not going to summon me this time. This left me scratching my head. I mean, why?? Catch already, dun summon? Best thing is, I haven't been stopped by a patrol car or traffic warden. Perhaps its one of those speed traps placed above the roads on overhead bridges.

I can only assume that a)they are being kind, b)they didn't get a clean readout of my speed and technically couldn't summon me. I could have been travelling at 90km/hr on a 80km/hr stretch! That would place me among the slowpokes of all the cars on the road at any time leh!
Anyway, dunno whether to feel lucky or unlucky. Caught, but no summon. But the letter will still be in my records. :-/

***

Went to watch Le Grand Voyage with Forest, after reading about the 4 star rating given to it by the movie reviews in ST. Eh. I dunno... it didn't seem that great to me. The story is exactly what the it is touted to be. A strictly religious father and casual son drive 4000 miles from France to Mecca. That's it.

There are bits and pieces of father-son relationships that every guy will be able to relate to. Bewildering little events occur as they travel along the road, seemingly for no reason than to relieve the monotony of the boring drive and carry the movie along for another 15 to 20 minutes. The situations get resolved without really being resolved. No lessons were learnt. No subtextual messages were conveyed. No contribution to the overall story arc. No tidy full circle plotlines. The story was akin to that of a baby crawling through its playroom; stopping for a while to play with an interesting toy, and then chucking it to one side as it moves on. Perhaps the only saving grace was the changing scenery. Sometimes stark, sometimes harsh and rugged, sometimes beautiful. For a movie about an Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca, the story was surprisingly free of preachy religious morals or apologetics. Instead, it focused on the mundane relationships between people and the secular everyday needs of people, regardless of religion, which I think does more to restore the image of Islam than if it did otherwise.

The surprising ending, which I shall not mention, is either a brilliant coup-de-grace or a a cheap cop-out to pull the story out from the depths of boredom it was miring itself in. At the very least, it yanked a few emotional nerves to jolt me from total apathy. It ended in similar vein to the other mini-stories within the movie; suddenly and untidily, a tapestry hacked off incompletely on one end, leaving a spray of loose, tangled threads unresolved. It begged the question: WHY? What is the meaning of it all??

And finally the answer dawned on me: The answer to the meaning of life. Untidy. Unpredictable. Beautiful. Ugly. Funny. Absurd. Moving along with no beginning, and no ending, and without regard for the little hopes and wishes and regards of individual men and women. That, perhaps, was the genius of the story.

***

Finally! A slice of peach, offered out of kindness after a demonstration of a monkey's hunger. Contrary to prevailing perception, it is not the fruit (although it is very sweet), but the desire of the giver to give that is so desperately sought. 10%, or more!

There is a line. Don't cross it.

2006-02-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

"There IS a God!"

Well, no actually there isn't. That's just a standard throw-away line Hollywood uses in the movies everytime one of the characters' ass miraculously gets saved. God in that context merely refers to the God of Deus ex machina.

But I digress. My ass did get saved, though it's by the intervention of a benevolent faculty policy. I had a talk with my department office today to measure the depth of excrement I was in. My stipend is getting cut this semester because of the non-submission of my proposal by the stipulated date. That means essentially I'll be working for nothing for the first half of the year. Should I stray into the next semester, in addition to not getting paid, I'll also be liable to pay tuition fees.

BUT, should I qualify this month, my stipend will be restored AND backdated to the beginning of this year, and I'll be none the worse for the experience. How's that for motivation huh?

Seriously though, I'm so relieved. I really thought I was going to flunk out of grad school. This also explains the outburst in my previous entry. I really can't bear having insensitive relatives waving my Ph.D candidature under my nose while my situation is so shitty. It's added stress that I ~~can't~~ WON'T deal with.

So the next time my surname gets prefixed with a 'Dr' or 'Prof', or if I get called 'GREAT SCIENTIST! HOW ARE YOU GREAT SCIENTIST?', or everytime I stop to think and some smartass says "Wah Ph.D ah, think so hard!So smart!!', or if HE starts with the 'kiang dio hor, mai ke kiang!' (just be smart, not a smart aleck) rejoinder, well.. I'm going to.... to..... I'm going to be rude.

Shit, I really need to learn how to stand up for myself.

***
Funny how people always ask me if doing a Ph.D had any disadvantages. Whether it would put me out of the market for normal jobs. Or if the opportunity cost was too great. I'd say the only disadvantage so far is that your qualifications will always be used against you, either to hold you up so high you couldn't possibly measure up, or to rub your face with when you fail. And of course, it only comes from those closest and dearest to you, and those you can't afford to offend.

A Shorter Blog Entry

2006-01-31T23:50:00.000+08:00

I is FED UP. I is unable to stand family gatherings. I is happy CNY only happen once a year.

I is wanting to smack many people. I is angry that everyone gives me that 'Wahhhhhh Ph.D ah! Ph.D! SOOO SMART!! Do everything also must think so harrd' shit. Nabeh, I play carrom and pool DUN NEED TO USE MY 'PH.D' intelligence! Normal one can liao! I dun need special greetings! U dun need to go 'eh Ph.D! Ph.D!' when you see me! I'm NOT GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD WITH MY INVENTIONS. I'M NOT GOING TO CURE CANCER. I'M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR CHILD'S TUTOR FOR WHATEVER FUCK SUBJECT because my 'PH.D' doesn't give me expert knowledge in the entire primary, secondary and jc syllabus OK!

I NOT GENIUS OK? I NOT EVEN GOT MY Ph.D YET YOU UNDERSTAND? I JUST LIKE IT THIS WAY, AND I AM TOO LAZY TO GET OUT TO THE WORKFORCE OK? NOT I SMART, YOU ALL BELOW PAR INTELLIGENCE, CAN? NABEHCHAOCHEEBYEKANINAFUCKYOUALLVERYMUCH! Treat me like a normal human is too much isit? What you want me to do huh? Keep asking me how long more I studying? I dunno ok? Going to flunk and drop out soon ok? Then NO MORE bloody Ph.D, HAPPY OR NOT?! After I drop out, I'm going to elope with my Sri Lankan girlfriend to India and bring our three illegitimate children along. I'm sure she'll be able to stand the journey there even though she's pregnant with our fourth child. Indian healthcare is good enough that giving birth at 40 shouldn't be a significant problem, even if she has an STD. HAPPY?!?!?!?!

Maybe over there, people will be able to see beyond their Ph.D fogged glasses!

Open society and conflict - A not so cheem dissertation

2006-01-27T14:41:00.000+08:00

Nowadays got such a big hoo-hah over whether Singapore is an open society. Everything seems to be getting re-examined under this new light, from BIG things like politics and press freedom and human rights, down to medium and small things such as government policy, NKF, the silly Buankok MRT 'white elephant affair', down to little storms in the teacup like the catfights in the Singapore blogosphere.

From how I see it, it boils down to the common themes:

Accused:

1)You're not in the system, so you have no right to criticise.
2)You want a change, you come into the system first and see how you like it.
3)Its MY place and you play by MY rules. Don't like, don't come lor.
4)You can't HANDLE the TRUTH. With openness comes responsibility.
5)You want open-ness? You criticize but don't dare to be open yourself. How hypocritical is that? Why should I take you seriously?
6)Thank you for your feedback. I did it this way because my Standard Operating Protocol says this is the way I must do it.
6)You're wrong and I'm right.
7)You suck and have no balls.

Accuser:

1)You're wrong. You should do it this way.
2)I feel cheated of our rights/money/time because you have not done what I expect you to do with it.
3)I want to complain!!! But I don't want to be responsible (i.e. held liable) for my statements
4)It doesn't matter that I'm just a nameless, faceless entity. My statements should speak for themselves.
5)You have a public duty to us (moral police/citizens/donors/readers) because of your position in the spotlight.
6)You should admit you were wrong and that I'm right.
7)You suck and have hideous bodyparts.

Semi-interested neutral observer:

1)I don't like accused/accuser, but I agree with them.
2)I don't like accused/accuser. They have hideous bodyparts.
3)Wah... fight ah!! So sai-teeeng! *grabs popcorn*
4)HAHAHA, You all are suckers. Look at you all jumping around like monkeys after bananas. I rawk!

*****

My take on it? Hahaha.. I tend to lean towards Semi-interested neutral observer, comment #4. Yup! Everyone's a monkey! Even me!

Seriously though, my only observation is that really, far too often, Singaporeans tend to voice their complaints only indirectly, and not towards the source of the complaint. Kena bad service at a restaurant? Fume abt it silently and then write to newspaper forums. Kena mistreated at work? Cry silently and then go home to blog abt it and name your colleague/boss after hideous bodyparts. Kena humiliated in public? keep quiet, and then go set up a hate site.

why liddat ah? Ok lah. I'm also guilty of this sometimes. I guess its just human nature. In conflict, you just want to win, and the easiest way to win is not to allow a level playing field for your enemy to fight back, so you dun allow them to play lor. You give them cheap shots from the side and back when they aren't expecting it, but when you come up face-to-face with your enemy you just close up and defend.

Irreverent Irrelevance (6)

2006-01-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

trep·i·da·tion: (tre-p&-'dA-sh&n)
n.
1)A state of alarm or dread; apprehension.
2)An involuntary trembling or quivering.
3)The state of mind during food poisoning, where you don't know if the next fart you loose will release gas or a spurt of brown, watery stool down your pants.

***
Sample sentence: I'm full of trepidation these days after coming down with food poisoning.

Berocca tablets trial

2006-01-19T21:36:00.000+08:00

I was at the pharmacy yesterday and happened to see a poster ad on Berocca tablets in the shop. Some kind of multivitamin+essential mineral thingy. Their tagline was "For hectic lifestyles - Stay sharp'; I was sold, so I thought, why the hell not?

Yeah, I know, my lifestyle couldn't be further away from 'hectic', at the moment, but for many months now I keep feeling like my brain is operating under a fog. Who knows, maybe it IS caused by vitamin and essential mineral deficiency. After all, since I don't take veges my diet is pretty unbalanced.

What's in Berocca?

Per tablet % RDA
Vitamin C 476mg 793
Thiamin(B1) 10.4mg 743
Riboflavin(B2) 13.6mg 850
Niacin(B3) 45.3mg 252
Vitamin B6 7.1mg 355
Folacin(B9) (folic acid) 366µg 183
Vitamin B12 8.6µg 860
Biotin(B something) 0.13mg 87
Pantothenic acid(B something else) 22.7mg 378
Calcium 95mg 12
Magnesium 95mg 32
Zinc 9mg 60

wah... look at those %RDA values! 800% Vitamin C? 850% Vitamin B12??? Luckily basic science tells us the Vitamin Bs and Cs are water soluble and excess is usually excreted out in the urine, making overdose far more difficult than the fat soluble ones.

I've taken 2 so far (one every morning as per instructions), and I must admit my mind does feel sharper. Its still too early to tell, maybe its just a placebo effect or plain wishful thinking, but at $24 for 40 pills ( $0.60 per tablet per day) its worth a try. Just like Steve Palivna said, do a 30 day (or in my case 40) trial, if it helps, keep it. If it doesn't, dump it.